Seeking the Light
by Painted Orchid
Summary: The Doctor has just lost Martha, and is alone once more, but there are strange forces at work. What will happen when his newest companion is a mysterious wolf? And just what is she anyways? Will be a bit angsty at the start, but it will have a happy ending, I promise. Post Doomsday Ten/Rose Reunion fic eventually.
1. Chapter 1

**AN- Hello readers, and welcome to Seeking the Light, my first full-length fanfic! This story takes place after "Gridlock," but before "Daleks of New York". I don't have a set time. By the time this story begins, Martha has decided to leave, probably due to her realization that she is traveling with a stranger who likes to defy death far too often. I'm not too confident in my ability to write Martha, so this picks up just after she has left, and the Doctor has ran off to an unknown forest on Earth. It diverges from cannon literally at the start of the story, progressively more AU as the story goes on. I am a Ten/Rose fan for life, so that is what this story will focus on for the main pairing. There will be a lot of angst for the earlier part of the fic, but it will have a happy ending, I promise! The fic will take place in three arcs, the first running from chapter 1-10, the second 11-25, and the third 26-30. As of right now, only chapters 1-13 are complete. I will try to update regularly, but life gets busy, so I never want to update faster than I can write new chapters- or there might be a large gap in updates. Since this is my first fanfic, I would love to get some feedback on how it sounds, ways to improve, and any problems you pick up as you read. This is all un-beta 'd, so... Well, now that all the technical information is out of the way, kick back, read, enjoy the story, and review!**

**P.S. I don't own Doctor who, because if I did Rose would be a Time Lady and be with the Doctor forever **

Prologue: Perdu- Lost

He was alone again. Lost another companion. It didn't really bother him though, not a goodbye that hurt. She'd go on with her life and he'd... Well he'd just go on he guessed. Like he had ever since Rose... The Doctor stood up a little straighter, hardening his face and pushing thoughts of her away. He'd have to find a new companion soon. While he didn't fancy the idea of having to deal with the first few adventures, half-trust and all the bloody questions they asked (he distinctly remembered Martha once asking him if this was really the oven. He'd replied that no, it was a trans-nuclear radiatory thermonuclear fusion chamber. It took her three days to figure out that it could be used to cook food. 'Like an oven,' she had said, and he had gritted his teeth and fake-smiled. Sure, except that it could heat things to 50,000 degrees. Humans.) Worse, his companions sometimes reminded him painfully of how she should be standing beside him. Maybe he'd find another species for a companion this time. And male. As different from her as it could possibly be.

But he knew he couldn't stay alone. If he did... If he got back in the TARDIS and shot around the universe with only himself he'd go mad. Alone in the TARDIS with nothing but the ghost of her presence, the silence and memories ringing through the walls. The Doctor leaned against a tree, staring at the TARDIS not willing to get back into his ship; usually his comfort, his home, his friend, family, and now reduced to a reminder of the pain.

He couldn't help but realize, however unwittingly- superior Time Lord senses and all that- that it had been exactly 100 earth days since that day. The one he called Doomsday. He really should visit the memorial at Canary Wharf. Even if he knew she wasn't dead, she was gone, torn from him, and as lost to him as the other hundreds listed. He wondered if Rose was happy, but stopped because he wasn't sure which would hurt more; her missing him with all her heart or her moving on and forgetting him. The Doctor twitched his fingers, hand as empty as ever, seeking its match- gone in a parallel universe with the woman he... That was when he heard the howling.

**AN- Sorry for the short chapter! The prologue is essentially a sort of teaser, I will get the first chapter up in another few days (It's already complete), as long as my computer doesn't decide to have random problems. Hope this sounds good so far, and while there's probably no one reading this right now, if anyone has stumbled across my humble story, I'd love for you to leave a review. For now, goodbye readers!**


	2. Chapter 1: Pourquoi?

Ch 1 Pourquoi- Why?

**AN- Here's Chapter 1! I'm currently facing some annoying computer problems, so I apologize if there are some delays in updates. I am currently working out a computer arrangement to update, it will just take a little longer between each one. Neither of my stories are abandoned… they are already written… I just can't get them on the computer. Technology hates me, I apologize.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, nor do I own anything else you recognize. I do own "Palleari," a place I created that has literally no impact on the story whatsoever.**

It was dark now, the moon glowing overhead between the tree branches, and the Doctor considered once again that he should return to the TARDIS, get back into the Vortex, and steer himself towards some planet in danger. Somewhere, anywhere he could throw himself into a conflict and try to forget. Maybe he'd go to Palleari. There were some funny humanoids there he could choose from for a companion. He still hadn't even looked to see where or when on Earth he'd landed, although he knew, with his Time Sense that it was about 2007. A year later, in her time. He'd never be able to stop thinking of this Timeline as hers, even if she was no longer a part of it. There was a beach somewhere nearby, the waves crashing against the shore. The sound matched his mood, he could imagine it whirling in wild fury, waves violent and unruly, even if he couldn't see it. The howl came again, from deep in the woods, and he paused, listening. The howl sounded wrong somehow, familiar in an unknown way- yet simultaneously like nothing he'd ever heard before.

The Doctor was unwillingly drawn back into a memory of the last full moon he'd seen, in 1879. That wolf DNA could have lasted, developed in hereditary lines until fully maturing in the 21st century. He'd told that to Rose as a joke, remembering her laugh and the feel of her against his side, hand in his. He could almost smell her sweet, flowery, impossibly beautiful scent and hear her musical laugh. The Doctor shut his eyes in pain, unable to bear it any longer.

"Why?" he shouted out to the empty night, striking the nearest tree with his fist and ignoring the throbbing-it would heal quickly enough, nothing compared to the breaking of his hearts over and over again. As he stormed back to the TARDIS, ready to leave this place- her planet, the howling came again, so close, just behind him. The Doctor raised his sonic, ready to stun whatever it was and run, but as soon as he turned around he stopped.

A beautiful, silken haired black wolf stood in the clearing before him. It was large, too large to be an Earth wolf, twice the size and unnaturally still. The eyes, however, made his breath hitch and his hearts stop before his respiratory bypass kicked in. The big, intelligent eyes were glowing, with the pulsing, swirling gold of the Time Vortex. He shivered as he recalled the last time he'd seen that light, radiating from her eyes, burning her so brightly, like a sun about to go supernova. He remembered the feel of her lips on his- a different him but still him, and then shook himself, avoiding those memories, locking them away once again. He turned away from the wolf, head in his hands, and cursed the thing behind him, some cruel trick or the TARDIS' sense of humor.

"Bad Wolf, oh how funny," he spat "Go away whatever you are. I don't want to see those eyes, I don't want to be reminded..." his voice broke. "I want to die. She's gone and whatever you are, this shape you've taken, it hurts! Stop mocking me!" he shouted, aware somewhere far off in his mind that he was screaming at a wolf, back turned and quite open to attack, and more so that he didn't care.

He could sense it still standing there, unnaturally stoic, and suddenly couldn't take it. He felt the pricking of something at the edge of his consciousness, filling him with a warm song, like the TARDIS' hum, and he felt peace for a moment, like he hadn't since before their last adventure. And then the strange touch was gone and the Doctor came to the conclusion he was going mad, well madder than usual anyways. He sprinted for the TARDIS, refusing to look back at the wolf, coattails flying and mind whirling in pain and confusion. As he went to slam the doors shut, a big black shape pushed itself in and the Doctor found himself staring at the wolf. In his TARDIS.

He leapt up, hand on the door and sonic raised, planning to chase it out as soon as he could, but it backed away, tail between its legs. It was then, acting as a wolf should, that he realized the glow was gone. In its place were warm, intelligent hazel depths. The color, the shade, of her eyes. He sank to the floor, shaking, unable to look away, but feeling his hearts ripped into fourths as its eyes met his.

"What are you?" was all he could manage. She-it took a tentative step closer and nosed his hand still clutching the sonic screwdriver. He flinched. "I don't understand, you can't be from this planet and your eyes... Maybe its an alien that landed here, yes there was that weird energy surge that drew me here, misfired a bit, came several months after the surge, seemed all clear. Or maybe it was Torchwood, on of their damn experiments. Tearing apart the fabric of the universe, sure. Making genetically altered wolves, no problem. Yes, that makes sense. Now I just have to scan you and make sure you're not an alien, then I can take you to a preserve or something," the Doctor said, well aware that he was rambling to fight the uncomfortable sensation that he was wrong somehow, missing something. Well, he thought ruefully, I'm missing Rose. He sighed, tears prickling his eyes as he reached into his bigger-on-the-inside pockets, pulling out the Judoon scanner he'd swiped during his escapade on the moon. A bit simple, but it'd do for something like this, basic scan.

He held it out and then stopped, not really sure why he was hesitating, what he wanted to find, or what he didn't want to find. The gentle hum of the TARDIS, her voice threaded with a new, but welcoming, musical chord, urged him on, and he clicked the button. The scan started, he closed his eyes while it processed. He knew he'd have to open them at some point and look at the reading, unfortunately while upgrading it to identify all the species known in the universe he'd damaged the voice readout.

A soft brush of fur rubbed against his left hand, hanging loosely by his side. Without looking at the scanner's results, he glanced down at the wolf, resting beside him like a tame dog, lolling tongue and sparkling eyes like a grin. He should feel taunted, angry at this cruel symbol and the memories it brought, but he gave a small smile, unable to hold it back.

"Well if nothing else I've gained a pet. How domestic. Ok boy-" the wolf growled and the Doctor quickly backtracked. "Girl?" he tried again, sighing with relief when she wagged her tail. He really was going mad, talking to a dog- pardon, a wolf. "Of course you'd be a girl, the universe just has to have a sense of humor. Quite ironic in fact, did you know humor is originally derived from the ancient civilization of- Ow!" a sharp pain in his hand cut him off, and the Doctor looked reproachfully at the wolf, rubbing the tooth marks-not enough to penetrate the skin but enough to ache, as she stared back at him. "Ok, no babbling, well now or never, let's see those results," the Doctor said, his nerves having calmed slightly.

He was beginning to feel like he could handle this whole bizarre situation, and realizing that his hallucinations before had been just that. Although Time Lords didn't hallucinate, not usually, he mused. Casually, hiding his nerves behind a lazy smile, he glanced down at the scanner and nearly dropped it. He glanced back at the wolf, gaping in shock, and then looked back and frowned, the screen had just changed from human to wolf. As he watched it changed back to human, and then listed unknown. It flickered, and then listed human, wolf, and unknown, before finally settling on human.

"It's not possible, I fixed this thing and you aren't human, obviously not, and I can't even begin to puzzle out what that means," the Doctor said, leaning against the console and closing his eyes, puzzled and if he wanted to be truly honest, scared. Scratch that he was terrified. He couldn't understand this creature, and whatever she was he'd never seen anything like it before. She was impossible. He swore he heard it, though he knew it was his lonely, empty mind once more, so soft and impossible but so achingly familiar, words from his memories before they were memories.

_"We've always been impossible,_ Doctor."

**AN- Questions? Comments? Thoughts? Suggestions? Submit them via the reviews, and I will address them! I have great plans for this fic, and 15 chapters written. It is going to be somewhat vague to begin with, but I plan to drop clues along the way. Hopefully I am not being too obvious or too enigmatic, and hopefully you enjoy reading it! Next chapter will be up within a week or so.**


	3. Chapter 2: Apprendre

Ch 2- Apprendre- to learn

**AN- Thank you so much for the reviews! I have been fighting off a nasty cold all week and seeing the reviews on this story cheered me up immensely! So I made updating this a priority. Read, enjoy, stay healthy, and review!**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Doctor Who. Assumedly never will. Duh. **

The Doctor stared at her, still unsure of what to do or even what to think. The wolf was exploring the TARDIS' console room, sniffing everything and for all intents and purposes acting like an ordinary if somewhat large and wolfish dog. He sighed, running a hand through his hair and turning away from her. He couldn't just leave it here on Earth, it definitely wasn't a natural wolf, and the poor thing would probably be captured and dissected if he left it here all alone. He didn't even want to think about the strange scanner results. But thinking about its eyes… well he didn't really want to think about that either. As he debated what to do, he felt a wet nose push its way into his wrist.

"What are you Wolf?" the Doctor asked in defeat, glancing at the strange creature. She gave him a look and he stiffened slightly at the intelligence that flashed through her eyes. He couldn't understand this creature, and that scared him. Not in a Torchwood-let-me-take-it-apart way, but more of a… Time-Lord-senses-are-tingling way. "I suppose I'll need to call you something, a name other than wolf," he said. He saw an image of Rose in his mind, imagined her fawning over the beautiful animal. She would have been great at this, would've picked out the perfect name for the new "pet" on board. Now it was just him, the Doctor, alone on the TARDIS with an alien wolf, and with nothing else to do he started pacing, unable to keep his body from matching his frantic mind.

"How about Midnight. Moonlight. Blackie, Fuzzy, Moony, Loony," he started rambling, anything to keep the thought of her from his mind, but stopped when he heard the low growling beside him. He looked at the wolf nervously, remembering its sharp fangs, and supposed he deserved that one. "Um," he glanced around frantically, searching for inspiration and spotted his tea mug. Herbal teas! Plenty of good, feminine names for a temperamental wolf in there. As long as he didn't name her Jackie. "Chamomile, Lavender, Violet, Daffodil, Orange, Sage, maybe more flowery, Lily, Rhododendron, Lilac, Carnation, Rose-" he suddenly stopped, his mind burning with the pain of the memories he'd been fighting so hard to bury even as the wolf howled in contentment. His face darkened and he glared at it. If he didn't know better he'd say its eyes were sparkling and smug. The Doctor took a step towards it and then chose to back away instead, to the door leading off the control room to the hallway with the bedrooms.

"But that's _her_ name. You can't have it. I don't care if she's not here, it's still hers and you. Can't. Have. It." With that, his voice reaching a very unmanly squeak, not like he cared, no one here cared, the Doctor reached behind him for the doorknob. He felt a small niggling at the edge of his mind, but when he tried to follow it the feeling was gone, and he only felt the TARDIS' concerned hum. Great, now even his ship thought he was mad.

The Doctor whirled away, out of the control room and down the hall, anywhere to get away from that _thing's_ gaze, the same shade as her eyes.

-Line Break-

After wandering the TARDIS for a while, ignoring the knowledge that it had been exactly 1 hour, 52 minutes, and 23 seconds since he'd been gone, the Doctor found himself outside Rose's room. It had been preserved by the TARDIS; looking as though it was just waiting for her return. He sighed and opened the door, walking in slowly, painfully to sit on the edge of the bed. Grabbing a fistful of the sheets, he inhaled deeply. It still smelled like her, flowery and spicy and _Rose_, and felt the tears run down his face, silent and slow but so very painful. It was the eyes, he decided that had driven him to the foolish conclusions he had come to earlier. Now, it was time to get a hold of himself. Though it would still hurt to see that hazel color, peering out of a furry black face instead of a pink-and-yellow one, he still needed to be able to look at the wolf without hearing voices and imagining things that could not be.

The Doctor walked back to the console room, not bothering to wipe the faint tearstains from his cheeks and sat down on the jumpseat. This had been her favorite spot to sit. He tried not to think about that. As soon as he had settled into the soft, surprisingly cushy seat and dropped his head into his hands, the wolf ducked its head between his arms and licked his face. The Doctor could almost imagine it was licking the salt stains from his tears. He sat up, making an effort to snap out of the internal whirlwind of emotions he'd been in all day and wiped his face distastefully with his hands. Dog slobber. This was almost as bad as the goo from an exploding Slitheen.

"This is why I've never had a dog- sorry wolf- companion," he said, a small smile spreading into a grin. It didn't quite reach his eyes but that was ok. He was alright, and there was some other living creature on board, (a pet, how domestic, oh he'd never forgive himself for this one,) and that was good enough.

-Line Break-

By the time the wolf woke up beside the Doctor, from where she'd fallen asleep on the floor of the console room, he had done about fifty repairs on the TARDIS and researched wolf-like species in the library for hours. He needed something to do, and now that she was awake, he decided to settle in his new companion. Then again, did she count as a companion if she was a wolf? Or was she a pet. The Doctor reflected that she seemed a little too intelligent to be degraded to 'pet' even if she was apparently incapable of speech. Oh Rassilon, his newest companion was a dog.

"Wolf. I'm going to name you and you're going to like it if you want to stay here which I'm assuming you do since you practically hurled yourself into my TARDIS. You can either have some clichéd name like Shadow or something a little more creative and dignified like," he paused in his monologue, shoving his hands into his pockets and realizing frantically that he hadn't thought of any names despite planning out this entire speech. "Right, like Kousa or Delphine," he said, sighing in relief as the wolf perked up. Then he groaned. He'd have to do better than that at communicating.

"Right, um left paw up for Kousa, right paw for Delphine." The wolf slowly raised her left paw and the Doctor grinned, feeling as though he'd solved some problem, one of the many surrounding this wolf. "Kousa it is then. Come on, let's find somewhere for you to sleep. As if I weren't mad enough, now I'm talking to a wolf," the Doctor muttered. He finally came upon a new room that the TARDIS had created, empty except for a plush red doggy bed and some toys, enormously sized for his new companion of course. Kousa stalked up towards one of the dog bone shaped toys and turned to him with an affronted look. He marveled, not for the first time, at how expressive her eyes could be, and then felt the strange thread of amusement running through him from the TARDIS. Surely she wasn't laughing at his attempts to pacify his new companion.

Kousa continued to glare at him, her stare unnerving, before finally dropping herself down onto the doggy bed with a huff and a growl. The Doctor didn't know what to do beyond that, and so he slipped out of the door, glancing back just before he walked down the hallway. With her head down, sniffing the bed and resting on her front paws, Kousa almost looked like any normal dog. Well, except for a dog on Barcelona. She'd look really strange there, having a nose and all. Suddenly remembering another book on wolfen species that he'd missed earlier, he sprang down the hallway. It was good to have a mystery to solve, he thought. Having something to do was definitely a good thing.

-Line Break-

"Kousa? Where'd you go? I need to figure out what you eat, you must be hungry by now right? Come here girl," he called out, shifting between speaking as he would to K9 and how he'd spoken to his human companions. The entire situation's ridiculousness was topped off by the fact that the Doctor was now stalking through the depths of the TARDIS shaking a bowl of dog food, embarrassed not only by the domesticity of it but also by the strange hope that the wolf- Kousa, he reminded himself- approved of the food.

He followed the TARDIS' ringing peals of amusement through her usual hum, really his ship was laughing at him far too often recently, and searched for Kousa's mental energy. He could just barely feel it at the edge of his consciousness, and tried not to get any closer than just feeling where she was. Poking into the mind of a whatever-she-was would probably not be fun for either of them. He'd tried, once in his younger, more foolish days, if there'd ever been such a time, to go into a cat's brain. It was just a giant bundle of _stuff_ and his mind had been so scrambled afterwards that he'd only eaten tuna for weeks. The Doctor still didn't like cats.

At first, when he stopped outside the doors, he thought he'd made a mistake, let his mind wander too much and his subconscious take over to lead him here while looking for the wayward wolf. Frowning, he checking and assured himself that she was indeed in there. Feeling his anger flare, the Doctor took a deep breath and prepared to thunder at the wolf- the uninvited guest in _her_ room. When he opened the door however, he stopped, seeing Kousa curled up in the center of Rose's bed, ears flicking rapidly and looking for all the world like she was having a nightmare. He supposed it was entirely possible she was picking up on the emotions tied to this room. He could smell them too, the negativity and loss that he'd been unconsciously depositing every time he came in here. No wonder it made him so miserable, aside from its existence as Rose's room that is. Kousa's whimper drew the Doctor out of his musing and he strode hesitantly to the bedside.

"You and me both, Kousa," the Doctor said, sitting down beside and stroking her ears. He didn't need very much sleep, but then again he hadn't slept in weeks, and so with his strange new companion curled up on Rose's bed, he lay own on the other side and slept, wishing Rose were beside him instead.

**AN- Sorry it's sort of boring, just had to get **_**something**_** in and set up that background yeah? I promise it will be more interesting next chapter, as the Doctor and Kousa go on their first adventure. The name Kousa refers to the scientific name of a flower, a Chinese Dogwood also known as Wolf's Eyes, quite appropriate don't you agree? Also, I plan to phase out the line break to just a bunch of - dashes, will that be more or less distracting than the actual words 'line break'? I use them more frequently as I go on, so I'd prefer to do whatever interrupts the flow of the story the least. Oh the poor Doctor, so sad and thinks he's going mad. Don't worry, his life will start to improve soon. Following a large plethora of chapters. I appreciate everyone's views and ideas, and am always open to suggestions for my writing. There are so many things that I have already written that I can't wait for you to read. Hopefully you're as eager to read it as I am to publish it! Until next time, and s'il vous plait, (if you please) leave a review. They help my cold *coughs pathetically*.**


	4. Chapter 3: Perdre

Ch 3: Perdre- To Lose

**AN- Thank you all for the reviews, they really, really make me happy. I now completely understand why authors are always begging for them… I'll try to fight the urge. Just think of it as a reminder instead! *smiles* I know last chapter I promised an action-y chapter, but um that one is the next chapter. This is going to give you an insight into Kousa's pov and some of her backstory, which for sake of plot is incomplete (at least the part I'm giving you is!) I am continuing to drop hints, but have removed anything obvious. I am trying to force you to use your deductive reasoning skills. Broaden your minds. It's going to be a bumpy ride folks, Allons-y!**

**Disclaimer: I should just start copying and pasting this… Did I own Doctor Who last week? Or the one before that? Will I own it tomorrow? No? Then I probably don't own it now. Got it?**

-Kousa's Point of View-

Kousa blinked sleepily, her muzzle twitching as her senses reawakened and she yawned, canines flashing. She still reveled in the feeling of her sharp teeth running across her lips, never having figured out why it seemed like such a strange sensation when as far as she could figure she'd had these teeth all her life. She could sense the not-human-man beside her and his slow breaths and slow but distinctly double heartbeat indicated he was asleep. It took a moment more for Kousa to realize where she was, still in the room that smelled impossibly familiar. Certainly, she'd never been here before. She'd awoken in a forest and lived there alone, but this place smelled- _right_.

Continuing to rest her head on her paws, Kousa remembered how _lonely_ it had been out there. She had met other wolves, but they were not the same. When she tried to touch their minds they didn't understand her and fled and she couldn't figure out why. The not-human-man had tried to flee too, but she had followed him, drawn by the intelligence she felt from him and his strangely familiar scent, tinged with sadness and darkness but still drawing her in like a magnet. Now, she reflected with a sigh, she was here, in a place that smelled more like home than her den in the woods, and she didn't know what to think.

Kousa. She tested out the word in her mind, running the name the not-human had given her over her tongue and in her mind. Though she'd always wanted a name, she'd never had one. Or maybe she had, but had forgotten it. Like everything else. This one felt right somehow. She was Kousa. Kousa was aware that she was missing memories, years, and that her mind was incomplete, but why let it bother her, she wondered, closing her eyes again and letting her ears flop sideways in contentment.

She could sense the not-human's agony and regret, could smell it on him like death, and could only feel that, inexplicably, she had to try to heal him. It was her purpose. With that thought, or rather realization, she leapt off the bed and onto the floor, feeling the soft rug under the pads of her paws, so unlike the crackling leaves of her forest. _Home_ for so many months.

But then Kousa shook her head and sneezed, wishing away the thought. The forest had been boring, nothing new, nothing exciting, and no one to talk to. Everyday a hunt for food and water only to do it all over again. She was ready for this adventure with the not-human and his bigger-on-the-inside ship that spoke to her in hushed words. This was her new place, and the forest faded from her thoughts. With a quick glance at the not-human, still asleep on the bed, she sniffed around and explored the room. There was a bowl of something that smelled like cardboard _dog food _she told herself, though she wasn't sure what that was. She tasted it, and it was rather bland, but she was hungry and it was better than starvation. Once she'd eaten her fill of the brown pellet stuff, she continued pacing around the edge of the room, nose to the ground twitching with excitement at the deluge of scents.

The pile of clothes in the corner intrigued her. They did not smell of him, they smelled human and female, but Kousa could sense there were no others on the ship. Perhaps she had been lost, like the Pack Kousa felt she had once had, but could not remember. She heard a low, keening sound, and flicked her ears back towards the not-human in alarm.

"Rose- hold on! I never got to say it, I lo-" and he cut off, tossing over in his sleep. Kousa crouched low to the ground, upset by the waves of pain, loss, and regret rolling off of him even in sleep. She could place the feeling, the ache of a lost mate, the pang she herself knew for the mate she couldn't even remember. She answered the not-human's cries with a soft whimper, and slunk slowly back up to the bed, lest he thrash again. Resting her large head on the edge, Kousa gently nosed his plam, hoping to brign him out of the nightmare realm she was sure he was trapped in by pressing warmth and care into his mind. He slowed his fitful turning and sank back with a sigh before opening his eyes. Kousa quickly retracted her touch on his mind, instead just perching beside the bed. While his eyes narrowed and she felt his suspicion grow, when she gave a short yap and grinned, tongue lolling out, he gave a soft smile.

"Hello- Kousa," he said, sounding as though he too was testing out the name. She licked his arm in response. "Weeellll, we can't just sit in the TARDIS doing nothing forever, it's time to see whether you've got any ability to be a useful companion. I'm sure there's something we can do beside lazing about. This isn't a suburban house you know," he paused, shuddering, and Kousa grinned in amusement when she felt his horror at that thought, "An exciting trip, something invigorating, distracting, er- I meant exhilarating, oh whatever," he chirped, trying to bury whatever memories his mind had conjured up in his sleep. As he bounded towards the room door, Kousa followed happily, though there was a foreboding in her heart. He was very broken, this one.

-Doctor's Point of View-

He wasn't running. He just had to keep telling himself that. He was simply getting back to the way his life always was. Always would be. One place to the next, just himself and maybe a companion. Or, apparently a wolf. He'd get back to the scanner later, but to be honest he needed to _do _something, to feel alive again, not that he ever really would after losing her. Planets, places, times, where to go, the Doctor mused, running through places he could give himself and Kousa a good adventure, a trial run of sorts.

He just needed to _go_ somewhere, _do_ something, and get out of the TARDIS for a bit, a phrase he'd never thought he'd say. He He'd probably still try to pick up another alien companion somewhere. The wolf- Kousa- was cute in an oddly alien domestic sort of way and she'd have to stay until he figured out what to do with her, but she wasn't a being he could talk to. Well, he could, but she couldn't talk back. Donna had said, so long ago, sometimes he needed someone to stop him. She was right. And right now he wasn't running away from anything at all. Not painful memories or hazel eyes. Right?

"Sarlokth-Reia, planet of the civil wars, a tiny little place, with a mostly barren single continent. No wonder the race of that planet are always getting into fights, when there's only a few places habitable and fertile enough to live in," he said aloud, darting around the TARDIS' console and starting to flip switches and press buttons, though whether for Kousa's benefit or his own, to merely break the unnatural silence on board he wasn't sure. "Native people are called the Telokths, and they're not even warlike, not really, the planet just has so much bad blood and history it's nearly impossible for it to ever settle down. They should be in a minor skirmish right now, mostly a cold war, and we can nip in for a visit. Maybe help bring a treaty about." The words just fell out of his insufferable gob, even as the Doctor was thinking about the fact that there were no fixed points in this planet's history.

Sarlokth-Reia was so small and insignificant, its sun would die out in only another few thousand years, and the people would perish without ever having achieved space travel, made any great discoveries, or achieved lasting peace on their planet. With any luck, the Doctor could find an adventurous spirit who'd want to travel away from this doomed, historically unimportant planet. As long as they weren't human. _Or wolfen_, He added as an afterthought, with a glance at Kousa, who was currently chasing him as he darted from one side of the TARDIS console to the other, tongue lolling in a, well, a wolfish grin. Her antics began to pull a smile from his grim face, eventually followed by a laugh as the TARDIS re-materialized with a jolt and she was jostled off her feet. Maybe having the she-wolf on board wouldn't be too bad after all.

"Well Kousa, let's see what we've got out here. C'mon," he said awkwardly, still unsure of how to speak to the wolf. While her eyes betrayed an intelligence far beyond the normal earth variety, she still looked like a mostly-normal dog, as she sat there, eyes sparkling, beside the TARDIS doors. Once more, he felt a strange sensation touch his mind, and he hastily threw up his mental shields. He felt for the TARDIS in concern, but she didn't seem worried, instead actually feeling rather cheerful. So, sparing Kousa a suspicious glance, as she innocently pawed at the TARDIS doors, the Doctor resolved to simply keep an eye on her and led the way onto the burning battlegrounds of what used to be Sarlokth-Reia's capital.

**AN- Yes, I did invent Sarlokth-Reia and the Telokths. Their story will span the next few chapters, as the Doctor and Kousa explore the planet. I have decided to rearrange some of my chapter's organization, as I tend to write on paper first and transfer to computer later, which mean length is variable and not finalized until I actually type it. Would you guys prefer longer chapters, (they would be about 2x this) that encompass entire plot lines (as in all the adventures of x planet would occur in chapter z) or littler chapters this size? As of now, with this size chapter, some storylines will take several chapters to get through. Sarlokth-Reia is currently planned to take 5 more chapters. If I combine them, it will probably be two incredibly long chapters. Let me know which you prefer please, and I'll update a lot faster than if I have to puzzle it out myself!**


	5. Chapter 4: Craindre

**Ch 4: Craindre- to fear**

**Alright, get ready for that action packed chapter that I promised (please let me know how this one turns out, I'm not sure how well I write action scenes, and would love any input from anyone.) I have decided to do longer chapters, mostly because I simply cannot wait to move this plot along! Also, looking at my story on the formatted version you guys see… my chapters are short. Frustratingly short. I thought they were a lot longer than that (they look longer in Microsoft word!) so sorry! This was originally four separate chapters. Anyway, thank you to all of you who have favorited, followed, and reviewed! I love getting feedback and just knowing that people read this. I'm sorry if I don't respond to reviews, I only just figured out how to do that the other day haha… and I also am a little short on free time. Anyway, on with the show, as always read review, and enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Doctor Who I wouldn't be writing fanfictions about it**.

A sonic blast shook the ground not 20 feet away from them with a resounding _boom._ Kousa cowered beside him, and the Doctor reflected, suddenly and guiltily, that perhaps bringing his wolf companion into the battle grounds of a war-torn planet was a bad idea. Another blast, and she whimpered. A terrible idea.

"Kousa, I'm taking you back to the TARDIS and you will _stay there_ while I go find… something," he said vaguely, having the strange sensation that telling his wolf he planned to search out a new companion while stopping the fighting would offend her. Even if she was just a wolf, well, not really. "No wandering off, back to the TARDIS we go," he said in a sing-song voice, more to distract himself than anything else. As soon as the words left his mouth however, she growled, leapt up, and bounded ahead of him. The Doctor tried to walk her back to the ship, knowing she'd been loyally following him ever since he found her, but Kousa stubbornly remained ahead of him, even as bombs fell around them and she cringed at the aftershock. Now, the Doctor could feel worry prickle at him, coupled with annoyance at the sleek black wolf, sitting defiantly in the desert. She was going to get hit soon, he was sure of it. Desperate times… hating to force her but seeing no other way, the Doctor raised the sonic screwdriver, with the slightly-mind controlling dog whistle setting turned on, but Kousa expertly darted around him, refusing to be caught in its path. The message was clear, she was staying with him. As he sighed, giving in, Kousa yelped in joy and trotted ahead, turning back to look at him. The Doctor was reminded of another pair of hazel eyes, that refused to stay behind and followed him to the ends of the universe- and the end of each other.

Another blast shook the ground near them, and shook the Doctor out of his painfulu memories. They needed to get to shelter. The Doctor broke into a run, a full-speed run utilizing the full capacity of his two hearts and respiratory bypass. Kousa, with her large size, easily kept up a steady lope as he looked around frantically for some- any, really, cover. Most of the city was flattened, and somewhere in the back of his mind he felt something was wrong, off somehow. The planet had never in history been this bad, he'd even been here once before to help set up a successful monarchy. This was a slaughter.

Finally spotting a metal door to one of the underground tunnels that he knew ran beneath the surface of the planet, the Doctor's face split into a grin. Good old rebel tunnels. Hurling it open, he unceremoniously shoved Kousa into the hole and followed her down, slamming the door shut just as the ugly clinking of rock-on-metal heralded a spray of explosion on top of the hatch. Kousa gave a bark, somewhere between worry and concern, and he shushed her. He needed to think. By his calculations, they should be in a mild skirmish, the rebels a mere annoyance to the government. Obviously, by the state of the city and the bombardment, things had escalated. While the rebels had resided underground before when he'd been here, and were supposed to be clear of the tunnels, the Doctor was quickly realizing that his history of Sarlokth-Reia was perhaps a bit off. Kousa barked again, more insistently now, and he jerked his head up, stopping the pacing he hadn't realized he'd started and looking affronted. His annoyance quickly faded however, when he felt a light tingling in his mind, a warning of some sort, and saw the lights coming down the tunnel. He resolved to think about the telepathic touch later and run now.

"Well, we found the rebels. Come on Kousa," the Doctor darted down a side tunnel, thanking Rassilon that she had quick reflexes. He heard their footsteps running behind them and cursed. He probably should have listened to Kousa's growled warning. Outsmarted by a wolf, that one hurt. They turned another corner and hit a cold, dark wall. The Doctor just hoped these rebels weren't as reckless and heartless as the last time he'd been here. Turning around and trying to keep a charismatic grin on his face as the sound of tramping boots and –oh dear-guns being loaded came down the hall. The Doctor winced, remembering the shot that had nearly caused him to regenerate. And then rebel forces swarmed down the tunnel, blocking them in, and he snapped into character.

"Hello, I'm the Doctor. I'm not very fond of guns, and I don't have any weapons myself, so maybe put yours away? Pretty please with a Prolillean pear on top? Nevermind, don't like pears. Oh whatever, it's the gesture that counts," he raised his hands over his head, wondering if the people of this planet even recognized that as a gesture of peace. Thankfully they didn't shoot, though they didn't lower the guns either. Well, worth a try.

"State your name, business, and allegiance." A purple-skinned Sarlokthian clad in deep navy body armor, unlike his jet-black outfitted companions, stepped forward. The Doctor took in his taught stance and determined tone. Not one to mess around.

"The Doctor _is_ my name, only one I've got to give you. This is my companion Kousa, and we were, well, er, just passing through. I visited here many years ago, at the end of the Northern Invasion. It was quite calm then, if I remember correctly and I don't easily forget things. What happened?" The troops stiffened, and the Doctor reflected sheepishly that revealing his knowledge of their planet may not have been the best plan. The Sarlokthian commander stood a moment, as if taking in all of this information, before lowering his own weapon. The troops kept their own pointed at him, but they at least didn't have their fingers tight on the triggers anymore.

"Who was the leader last time you were here?" the commander said, his voice tight.

"Darekthoss, although he was supposed to be a temporary replacement until his son set up a democracy," the Doctor said, trying to choose his words carefully so he neither supported nor insulted anyone until he knew what side these people supported. The commander gave a bitter laugh that made the Doctor uneasy. Kousa pressed her warm fur against his leg, and the Doctor gave her a sympathetic, slightly guilty look. First trip and he'd already gotten them in danger.

"Darekthoss refused to abdicate, but he was a decent leader. Didn't destroy anyone's cities or start any other wars. He wanted to bring peace, just wasn't the best at diplomatic relations. A bit too thick if you ask me, but still sadly the best we've ever had. I'd ask how you were present over a hundred years ago when you don't show an incredible age, but I doubt I'd get an answer." He paused, waiting, clearly giving the Doctor an opportunity. The Doctor could see the chance this test was giving a mile away, and figured he'd better take it.

"My species ages very slowly. We live a long time, the Doctor said carefully. It was partially true. The commander gave a sharp nod, accepting the answer, and the Doctor let out a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding.

"Darekthoss approached the old Northern Faction- they seceded if you recall, with the desire to bring peace by joining the two entities. But their ruler, Lokethric, wanted their resources. The Northern Faction was banished to the mountains. No fields for food, little access to water. Their people were starving and he was bitter. When Darekthoss approached him, Lokethric had him assassinated. The government of the Main Faction fell apart, splintered into city-states under Darekthoss' generals, and the Northern Faction swept in and took over. That's been the last fifty years."

"What happened to the Main Faction? All those generals must've at least tried to keep control," the Doctor asked tentatively, still unsure which side he was currently being held captive by.

"They fell. Lokethric's bloodthirsty son Xiaok has taken hold of the Main Faction's three largest city-states. The two remaining rebel groups are the Moon Faction and the Desert Faction. I presume it is obvious which one we are?" he nodded his head to the Doctor, and though his eyes were still covered by the visor, the derisive note was clear. The Doctor ignored it.

"But why not join forces with Moon? Even if your groups don't get along, wouldn't it be worth it to combine forces and rid yourselves of the dictator overlord?" he asked, still aware of Kousa, tense but not trembling in terror at his side. Brave little wolf.

"Of course we would!" the commander sneered, his voice tight, and the Doctor bit his tongue, praying he didn't drive the Sarlokthian to shoot him. "Even if only to stop Xiaok from executing everyone associated with the old Main Faction for 'treason.' But he's blocked the tunnels and Moon's over by the ocean. Overland is a suicide trip. Our only hope is that Xiaok is assassinated before he can produce an heir. Now the question is, where do you play into all of this?" The Doctor ignored the commander's question, instead trying to organize all of the information he'd just gained on this little planet. He started to pace about the tunnel, and the guns immediately clicked back into the 'ready to fire' position, as he called it. Kousa slunk in front of him, growling protectively, and the Doctor felt his hearts swell at her loyalty, that he was so undeserving of.

"Call your pet off, and stand down. You waltzed into our base out of the desert, you could easily be a spy or assassin, despite your foreign appearance," the commander snapped. The Doctor gave Kousa's raised hackles and bared teeth nervously, hoping she didn't act on her debatably animal instincts.

"Kousa just… calm down. It's okay," he said softly, though she didn't respond. Hoping his hunch was right, he nudged her mind, sending a telepathic wave of calm, and a request to _leave_ them alone. To his great relief and interest, she immediately dropped her aggressive stance, sitting down beside him, warm fur pressed to his leg once more and head resting just under his hand. The commander nodded at the guards on either side of him, and they marched over to the Doctor, taking one arm each and securing them behind his back in plasma cuffs. As they marshalled him down the tunnel, three ahead and three behind, the Doctor gave a fleeting thought to his new companion's strangeness. Kousa trailed his steps, their newly psychic link, still infantile and simple, transferring her worry to him.

-Line Break-

The Doctor fingered the walls of the cell they'd placed him in. Salakanium alloy, easy enough to cut through with his sonic screwdriver. It was a good thing they hadn't realized his pockets were bigger on the inside when the guards had searched him. Fortunately, the Desert Faction was one of the more peaceful groups on Sarlokth-Reia, and it appeared they weren't really sure what to do with the prisoners. The maybe-spy and his "attack dog," a title Kousa had given up growling at. And his TARDIS was sitting in the middle of a war zone. His only comfort was the knowledge that his relatively new force fields would protect her from anything save a supernova. The problem was getting back to it in one piece. After overthrowing a tyrannical government of course. As he ran his fingers through his hair, casting his eyes about the cell for anything useful and running through escape plans in his mind, he thought back again to Kousa.

She was following his motions with her eyes from where she lay beside the door, curled up so her tail buried her nose. Despite her huge size, at that moment his wolfish companion looked so small and innocent, and the Doctor felt guilt wash over him once more. At least while she was intelligent to at least some degree, she didn't have a full understanding of the miserable life he'd brought her into. He suspected it'd be easier to be a simple life form right now.

Footsteps echoed down the tunnel, approaching the door, and the Doctor stiffened, wary of what would come of their visit. According to his senses, it was approximately four hours since they'd been tossed into the cell.

"The commander wants to see you. The she-wolf stays," the Doctor shook his head. This guard really didn't know how he worked.

"NO. The she-wolf stays with ME," he retorted, mimicking the iron tone of the guard. They fingered their guns, but he wasn't about to stop now. "I don't know what you'll do to her if I leave her here." He then cursed himself for voicing his fear as he realized they now had a weapon that would truly work against him. He glanced at Kousa's hazel eyes, incredibly unwilling to leave her behind and more uncertain that he could survive losing another companion. Even if she'd only been with him for 8 hours and 32 minutes. Even if she was a wolf. As he took a step towards her, he felt a wash of contentment in his mind, a sense that all would be ok. The Doctor tightened his shields again, staring suspiciously at Kousa, a more powerful telepath than he'd thought. At another mental nudge, he sent one back _I'm sorry, I have to go. Stay here, be good_. The feeling came again, and at last the Doctor followed the impatient guards who were already fingering their weapons- he really hated guns- out of the cell.

-Line Break-

The interrogation room was primitive when compared to the rest of the underground. Cold steel walls, bolted down chair in the middle of the room, to which the Doctor was currently strapped. Very clean, very dangerous. The commander he'd met earlier was pacing the room in front of him, his nervous energy somewhat of a surprise to the Doctor, who'd expected more composure from the militia-style soldier. He glanced over at the Doctor for probably the fifth time since he'd entered the room, and the Doctor was once again surprised how young he looked without the armor and helmet; early 20's perhaps, or whatever the equivalent to the Sarlokthian race was. With haunted eyes that looked so much older, and a familiar pain in them that the Doctor knew from the mirror.

"My planet is in a war. People are dying, and you just show up inside of our base, with some story about being here over 100 years ago. What am I supposed to do with you?" he said, glaring at the Doctor as though he were an impossible puzzle.

"Release me?" the Doctor chipped in hopefully. The Sarlokthian slammed his purple fist down on the table beside the Doctor. Guess that meant no then.

"And you could be a spy, an assassin. No, not again. We have to be sure. I don't want to do this, I hate using this, but…" the commander cut himself off, his face suddenly young and scared before turning away to compose himself. The _again_ part was worrying the Doctor, and he could sense the Sarlokthian's worry, fear and guilt, and a sickening thought of what was to come. "We'll make sure you're not a spy. I'm sorry, this will hurt, but I can't sacrifice my people for you. If you don't fight it, it shouldn't be too bad, and no one's been driven mad yet." With that ominous remark, he walked out of the door, re-affixing the plasma shield that locked down the room, and it all went dark. Hearts pounding, the Doctor waited, and then heard a whirring above his head. He looked up, straining his superior eyesight to see, when finally blipping lights illuminated the metal contraption descending towards his head. Wires crawled up his wrist, electrodes sticking to his son and clicking tiny shocks as they did so. The Doctor's thoughts of pity and sympathy for the young commander faded into fear and horror as he recognized the Trahesian mind machine, outlawed and destroyed for torture and interrogation. As the helmet wrapped itself around his head, the electrodes activated, pumping electricity, tapping into his body's neural signal, translating every thought and memory and obliterating his mental shields, oblivious to the pain it caused him as the energy coursed through his body.

"Alright, Doctor, did you say? We're ready to begin the questioning. Please try not to fight. This will hurt so much more if you do."

-Line Break-

Kousa paced the cell nervously, her packmate's absence felt wrong. She knew the guards outside would prevent her getting to him, but she also knew he was a part of her pack. All she had left and she had to get to him. Even from here she could touch his mind, so vast and powerful but filled with fear. He had blocked her out, but she could feel the edges of his shields, could almost follow the thread to where he was. As she reached out she paced, ignoring what he'd told her before he left- did he honestly think she'd listen to him and stay here? That had worked so well last time- she paused, a memory just on the surface, something familiar about the phrase, a sensation, and then it was gone. Her mind was replaced with a mental howl, a force that ripped through her mind and caused her to cry out in pain and fear. Cowering on the floor, whimpering as an explosive scream reached her mind once more, she reached out, ignoring the waves of pain and following the clearer but flickering silver mind that was her not-human's. His mind was fully open, all of his shields shattered to bits, and his pain whirled around her, physical and mental all swirled together. It was all Kousa could do to reach him, figure out where he was and recede as his thoughts were ripped apart by an unseen force, a painful, violent one.

Kousa opened her eyes, blazing with gold and growled. They were hurting him. One of the guards turned to look at her and jumped when he met her eyes. He stumbled back, but she held him in her gaze and sent out to him, invading the crevices of his mind.

_Open the door. I must find my packmate._ In a daze, even as eh other reached for his hand, shouting for him to stop, the one she had taken hold of unlocked the cell and Kousa was down the tunnels before either could shoot. Following the silver glow of her packmate's mind, pulsing in pain, she loped down the halls, body bursting with unnatural energy and speed. When Kousa felt her packmate's energy behind a huge steel door and a pulsing pink barrier, she panicked, blocked by this two-legged contraption, and she stalled in her mad run for a moment. Then the mental howl, of pain and a desperate cry for help, filled with the despair that no one was coming erupted again, accompanied now- as she stood panting just outside by a physical scream of pain. The foreign power rushed over Kousa once more, and the door sprung open and the energy field dissolved without a thought as she rushed towards him, crying out in her mind.

_Doctor!_ Kousa felt it as his name, in this moment, recognized Doctor as his title along with packmate. She didn't know how he was here, the smell of fear, sweat, pain, and blood, with wires clinging to his body and a metal thing like a spider wrapped around his head, its spindly metal legs digging ever so slightly into his skull. It was just enough to draw beads of blood, but plenty to draw a growl from her throat. His captors closed in around them, and feeling her instincts rise up again, the power to protect her pack, Kousa leapt at the machine above the Doctor's head, smashing it and ending the pain it caused, the drain on his mind, before turning to crouch protectively between him and the armed guards entering the room. She ignored their primitive shouting, aware only of the gentle feel of his mind, hurt but his own, whole once more. They were pack, family, and they would harm him no longer.

-Line Break-

The Doctor stared in awe, even as his vision faded in and out, at Kousa's form before him. He knew he was still recovering from the effects of the Trahesian mind machine and supposed this could be damaged perception, an illusion, though he felt its reality somewhere deep within, it felt right. In time, that is. For his black wolf companion was standing protectively before him, eyes glowing gold, silken fur on end and rippling slightly to a non-existent breeze. It was like a variation of the Oncoming Storm, and he was suddenly very glad not to be on the receiving end of whatever it was.

The men were shouting alarms, raising weapons, and ordering them to stand down, but Kousa wasn't listening, and the Doctor didn't think he could manage speech just yet. He pulled the remnants of the helmet and body, wincing as they pulled from his skin. He had no idea what she had done to reach him, but found himself infinitely glad. Searching the shouting, confused, and frankly terrified Sarlokthian faces, the Doctor found the one purple face he wanted- well not really wanted more like needed- to see; the commander, whose face was a pale lavender and utterly terrified. The Doctor felt his rage burn at the thought of what the man had taken from him, and before anyone could react he leapt across the room and barreled through the soldiers in the doorway. He was on the commander in a moment, hands at his throat and eyes deadly and obsidian. Now he was the Oncoming Storm, and they had better beware.

_Doctor look out,_ he heard a cry, and whirled away, still holding the commander before realizing the warning had been in his mind. He turned to see Kousa sink her teeth into the arm of the nearest soldier, his shot firing into the ground before them and burning a hole there rather than in one of the Doctor's hearts. He held the commander in front of himself, hands still around the now limp throat, and Kousa darted to his side.

"Let us out or he dies," the Doctor commanded simply, backing away down the tunnels. Once to the grate, they had entered from, following his own senses and Kousa's excellent nose for their scents, he bound the commander and shoved him outside first, still with a hand on the leash-like rope he'd fitted to him. After a moment, seeing that the commander hadn't been blown to bits and that it was currently quiet and safe for them to enter the war zone above, the Doctor followed him out into the night air, Kousa silent behind him. The Doctor dragged the commander the entire way back to the TARDIS, lost in his thoughts and terribly, terrifyingly, utterly silent.

**AN- This chapter was a bit pressed for time, so I apologize if there are more grammar/typo mistakes than usual. I usually self-beta, but really didn't have time on this one. So how was the longer chapter length? I actually think I prefer this anyway. Please leave a review if you can, I love to read them. I hope the Doctor seems in character. Kousa is a bit harder to write because she is still a sort of enigma, but I promise we will be seeing more of her point of view and personality as the story progresses. She's very fun to write, combining her obvious sentience with wolfy instincts. I have most of the main plot planned out, but I may slip in a filler or two, if you guys would like me to. If you have any suggestions, preferences, advice, or likes/dislikes, please just let me know in a review. Until next time!**


	6. Chapter 5: Interroger

**Chapter 5: Interroger- to interrogate**

**AN- Oh dear it's been awhile for this story… I got a little caught up in my Christmas fic, but now that's over and it's back to Seeking the Light! Thank you to my followers and reviewers and favoriters, it's really great to know that people are reading and enjoying my stories. It takes a lot of time and effort that I really don't have much to spare of, and it's just nice to learn that it isn't for nothing. Yes, I am improving my writing skills, but they are skills I could be using to do other things like… finish one of the three novels I am writing, or finish the reports that I have due, etc etc. So, even if it's just a quick "I like it," reviews are very much appreciated- not just me, anyone's stories. I'm pretty sure everyone enjoys getting reviews. **

**This chapter is going to reveal a lot. Probably not as much as some of you would like, but this is beginning the section of the story in which we shift from enigmatic mystery to frantic discovery and running across the galaxy to solve said mystery. Oh, and by the way I sort of scrapped my previous organizational method of the story. Forget the arcs etc. I'm just going to type, and update, and you're going to read. And review. Sound good?**

**Disclaimer: Why do I keep bothering with this? I don't own Doctor Who. Very much would be different if I do. Oh great, now I'm rhyming in my disclaimer. What could be lamer?**

The Doctor was darkly reminded of the parallels as he paced the interrogation room the TARDIS had created for him. Judging by his face as he sat, looking very small and young, the commander could see them as well. He gulped and the Doctor shot him a look, something between disgust and pity warring within. He decided to settle on pity. Disgust was so leather and big ears. Just didn't fit the pinstripes.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to torture you like you did to me." The commander flinched at the Doctor's offhand remark, but he struggled to maintain eye contact and some semblance of pride despite the Doctor's stern gaze. There was certainly something admirable about this Sarlokthian despite his horrific actions, the Doctor reflected as he took in the fear, regret, and most unexpected: guilt, that shone in his maroon eyes.

"I had no other choice," he started, voice quiet and defensive.

"There is _always_ another choice. You broke into my mind, saw memories, thoughts, images, that were never meant to be seen. Not only is using that, that _machine, _height of crime against a telepathic species," he broke off as the commander's eyes widened in horror. "Oh yes, I'm telepathic, should have thought of that before you hooked me up to that machine- but anyway, you also saw things you can't have seen happen. Not yet. Even the slightest action could throw time out of wack, so I can't bloody well let you go." The Doctor resumed pacing, hands shoved in his pockets, not sure of what to do, and well aware that there weren't many options to begin with.

"The machine only caused others minimal pain. It didn't affect any of them as it did you. I had no way of knowing what it would do."

"Your species isn't telepathic, I doubt anyone else on this planet is right now. But that doesn't make it perfectly fine to break into people's minds. It just means that no one can stop you. But I'm here now. Where did you even get hold of a Trahesian mind machine?" the Doctor asked, expression as icy as he could manage. He could still feel the shields in his mind, where there were rips and holes, and he made a mental note to repair the damage later.

"It crashed. From the sky. We knew it was from another planet, but the ship and its occupants were already dead. No one was sure what it was until one of the soldiers activated it while poking around at the strange machine. It took a while to get it working, but we kept at it…" he trailed off, and the Doctor knew his expression was terrifying the young Sarlokthian. Good.

"So, a weapon that you don't even understand, one that is banned on hundreds of planets across the galaxy- yes I know you couldn't know that- lands on your doorstep and you decide to experiment with it? Rassilon save the universe from arrogance and idiots," the Doctor cried, running his hands through his hair. His prisoner remained silent for a long time, before he finally looked up at the Doctor, eyes sparking in defiance.

"What will you do to me? I was only trying to protect the people of the Desert Faction- all of Sarlokth-Reia, in fact. Xiaok is terrorizing people and murdering any who oppose him, and I couldn't just let you in if you were a spy," the commander was obviously still frightened, but his words were firm. The Doctor felt his hearts sink at how hopeless this species had become after years of war. So cynical. It was a startling, painful reminder of himself that he didn't particularly want to explore just yet.

"But you broke into my mind, there were other things you could have done to interrogate me."

"No." Surprise flooded the Doctor at the commander's firm show of courage; not many would stand up to his Oncoming Storm expression. "I've been down that path before. First, it was simple questions and trust. After the first twelve spies killed over a hundred people overnight, we tried a harder approach. The next time we picked up stragglers, I personally tested them. Over and over, days, foolproof questions, mental traps, and every possible protocol without bodily harm. They seemed fine, all five of them, until four of them assassinated the other and the other commanders. Twice I'd failed my people and all they have to lead them now is me. I never wanted to torture anyone. The last time… we used physical. A couple entered, we didn't want to- I didn't want to, but I tortured them for 24 hours, physical pain, questioning, fear, manipulation, you name it. Finally, we released them, assimilated them into society. They crept into the children's ward and wiped them out. Killed over 25 innocent kids. From the Northern Faction they were, it was to be a message from Xiaok. Over and over I've failed them. You have no idea, Doctor, what my planet is like. There is no honor, no trust, no fair war like that I saw in your mind. It's just slaughter, and the least I can do is protect my own. The way I see it, it was one person-you- or all of my people. What would you do?" his eyes flashed violet, and the Doctor, quite rarely, was at a loss for words.

"I… I'm sorry, so so sorry, but still…"

"Have you ever watched your world burn Doctor? I see it every day." The Doctor flinched, and he supposed the commander must have seen it, because he paused, a look of horror and pity crossing his young face. "You have. Then I pity you. I would not wish it on anyone." His face was crestfallen, despair obvious in his haunted eyes, so unnatural in one so young. The Doctor, silently, agreed with him, and then found it a sort of dark humor that he was sympathizing with the one who had just violated every mental privacy he had. He blinked away his own tears before meeting the Sarlokthian's eyes, which had faded to a dull, lifeless shade of lilac.

"You are strong, commander. I may have misjudged you. And I am truly sorry for your planet. The situation is a little more… desperate than I believe I recall." His words were solemn and gloomy, but they make the commander perk up a bit.

"Illar. That is my name. None have used it for years, since I joined the Desert Faction, but Doctor, I feel I can trust you with it." The Doctor's eyes widened for a moment, not entirely sure how they had gone from threatening one another to exchanging war stories and names. And then the name, which had sounded familiar at first, suddenly clicked. Illar, lost prince to the throne of Sarlokth-Reia, the first peaceful ruler who succeeded in uniting the planet in all of Sarlokth-Reia's history. He was too important- too _good_- for the Doctor to do something stupid, or drastic, not that he'd been planning it anyway. He hadn't been thinking about dangling him over a Lapoovian volcano at all. Not even a little bit. Coming to a stop, not even realizing that he'd been pacing, the Doctor fixed Illar with a look that made the Sarlokthian squirm in nervousness.

"You have knowledge of events… the things you saw inside my head, many strange things, yes?" Illar nodded, looking terrified before he steeled himself for whatever punishment was about to come. The Doctor did actually manage to keep his amusement out of his expression. "In order for you to return to your planet, you must forget these things, that you ever knew them."

"What if I don't want to go back?" Illar's quiet words startled the Doctor, who hadn't even counted on that possibility. "I have failed my people over and over. Sarlokth-Reia is dying and I cannot bear witness to or fault for anymore death. May I simply stay with you, wayward traveler who knows so much and knows of my loss?" Illar turned almost pleading eyes on the Doctor who frowned in thought, although he knew it was impossible. It was certainly the first time a prisoner on the TARDIS had asked to be a companion. He might've even said yes- Illar was a remarkable man despite his faults- if this single Sarlokthian wasn't so important to his planet's history.

"You must not give up on your planet, or your people. Mine are gone, but you can still fight for yours. If they are lost, you can never get them back." The Doctor fixed Illar with a look, knowing he'd revealed far more than he liked to anyone, but Illar needed to hear it, and the Sarlokthian wouldn't remember this encounter anyways. The thought made his hearts sink a little, but he shook it off. "I am going to need to remove the memories you have of my mind." Even as the he stepped forwards to place his fingers on Illar's temple; however, the other moved away, face panicked.

"Wait! Wait, please don't make me forget you. Take away the machine and the glimpses of the universe if you must- so wide and bright, peaceful and warlike, everything I got to see- but don't make me forget you," Illar pleaded, desperate, and the Doctor looked at him in surprise. Someone actually wanted to remember him? It was a strange idea, but he supposed it would be easy enough to manipulate Illar's memories so that he had found nothing of interest when he tortured him. As he re-established contact with Illar's temples and reached out for the memories of the last 12 hours, replacing them with the false story. The Doctor, after being cleared as an innocent with nothing strange in his mind, had been killed by a mysterious wolf. Illar had stayed with him until he died.

Before closing the connection, the Doctor caught the last wisp of memory in Illar's mind. It must have escaped his notice, a thread so thin the young commander would probably never notice it in his conscious mind, but that would manifest in his dreams. An image of a peaceful Sarlokth-Reia, children playing freely on a planet populated with blue grass and an indigo sky, free of burning and death. The Doctor did not have the heart to remove this image, this hope, from Illar's mind. It would drive and sustain him in the fight for his home. The Doctor removed himself from the Sarlokthian's mind and stared at him, dozing, put to sleep by careful mental touch. He had a mature, sad mind for one so young. He had seen battle and loss and death, and it once again reminded the Doctor far too much of himself. But Illar had hope, a future, and his planet and people. He was not alone, and he would be a great leader. As the Doctor prepared to return Illar to the Underground, he desperately wished that he'd had the same hope of a future Illar did. But it was futile, whatever the face of Boe had said, he was alone- would always be alone. He was the last, no companion would ever change that, ever lessen the pain- the only one who'd ever made him feel like he belonged in the universe was gone, and the least he could do was save another from a similar fate.

-Line Break-

Closing the door to the TARDIS, having just deposited the unconscious Illar in the underground, the Doctor leaned against the cool coral pillars and sighed. It had been a really long day, and definitely not the adrenaline-filled distraction he'd been hoping for. Adrenaline, yes, but distraction? It was just the opposite. He let his gaze drift to Kousa, curled up just a few feet inside the door, her brown eyes glowing at his return. Now that he was paying attention to it, he could feel the pulse of joy that swirled around her at his return. She stood up, stretched, and padded eagerly towards him, but something in his face stopped her. Good, he thought grimly.

"I know you're telepathic. My mind might have been breaking while Illar used the Trahesian mind machine on me, but I heard you," he said coolly, trying to push away the TARDIS' soothing touch. Why was she trying to tell him everything was fine, there was a telepath onboard who had been disguising herself since day one. There was no way she was innocent. Kousa stilled at his words, her tail drooping towards the ground and unease radiating from her entire being.

_Yes. I can touch your mind. Is that called telepathy?_ She asked, her voice musical and familiar. She almost sounded like _her_, although the Doctor knew it was just his memories toying with him. He'd mistaken Donna and Martha for Rose, turning to them with a joke or a comment that they didn't- couldn't understand. Now he was hearing her voice. From a wolf.

_Who are you? _He asked mentally, allowing her voice-thoughts to come through but keeping the physical distance that would prevent access to either of their minds. He did not trust her, this mysteriously powerful wolf-species, and his own mind was still damaged and singed. Best to keep his distance until his shields were stronger.

_I am Kousa._ She seemed confused by the question, and the Doctor considered her, wishing he knew something of her past, or origin, or motives. Actually, he'd settle for just about anything. Like whether she liked bananas.

_What was our name before that? What species are you? _He asked in an attempt to focus on the task at hand once more. Bananas could wait, even if he was starving.

_I had no name. I do not… I don't know. I can't remember, it's all gone,_ Kousa sounded frustrated. An amnesiac wolf, his life got stranger by the day.

_Oh. You forgot everything? Do you know what planet you're from?_ She seemed to ponder the question, and he felt a strange sort of resentfulness. At least she didn't have to remember all those she'd lost. But he felt guilty at even thinking that, there were certainly good memories he'd miss.

Kousa replied hesitantly, as if she were asking him for confirmation, _the forest where you found me._

_Earth. But you are not like any species found there. Are there any others like you, do you have any family?_ He was fishing for information, but he wasn't expecting the sudden, incredibly strong waves of sadness that rushed off of his companion.

_No longer. I had a pack once, I think, a mate. But he was lost, my home was lost, and I cannot remember them. I have no memories, only loss and the pain,_ Kousa's mental keening, echoed by waves of pain and loss was so familiar that the Doctor staggered, and he felt his mistrust fade. She was broken, like him, and in so many more ways.

_Why didn't you speak to me sooner. _She paused, and he wondered if he was imagining her embarrassment.

_I was afraid of what you would do. I tried- the ones not quite like me-_

_Earth wolves?_

_Yes, Earth wolves. But their minds were so simple and strange, they weren't like me at all, and they fled. I tried to talk to a human, but they too ran. They couldn't stand my presence in their minds. I think I scared them._ She paused, and the Doctor nodded, understanding completely the ridiculously lacking telepathic abilities of humans. Honestly, one heart and minds so tiny they were trapped inside themselves, how did they survive? _And then there was you. You smelled familiar, a kindred soul, also of pain and loss. I didn't want to be left alone again._ The Doctor felt his hearts throb painfully at Kousa's thoughts, sentiments he shared, and realized how similar they were. Even if she was a wolf. She shot him a concerned look, obviously unsure of what effect her words were having on him. _If you want me to leave I can,_ Kousa whispered in his mind, her touch colored with soft, somber colors of regret and misery.

_No, Kousa, of course you can stay. You saved my life today, and are definitely welcome to stay on the TARDIS, if you want of course._ He was unprepared for the level of excitement and joy that his response prompted as it bounded through his half-shielded mind from her. Normally such an unwarranted touch would annoy or upset him, but her happiness was carefree and infectious, and he simply grinned.

_Thank you not-human,_ she said, mind still humming in bliss. His grin widened at her name for him. Quite appropriate, he supposed, even if it implied a little too close of a relation to the human species for his pride.

_Call me the Doctor_. He felt her surprise and was puzzled by it a moment, before dismissing it as a headache erupted, breaking the tentative link in their minds. He had wanted to ask her how, exactly, she _had_ saved him, but right now he could barely think straight. Or sideways. Or at all, really.

_Doctor, I think you need to rest. I can feel the shards of your mind, cracked and jagged. The purple people really did a number on it, and you need sleep_, Kousa said firmly. Not even bothering with an argument that Time Lords didn't need sleep, the Doctor simply nodded in affirmation and staggered to his room, thanking the TARDIS immensely for moving it closer to the console room. Just this once, he really did need to sleep, and crashed into the soft grey pillows with relief.

Kousa halted outside, his overpowering, musky-spicy, but familiar scent claiming it as his den. She waited until he was safely in the bed and asleep before leaving for the room of the human who was no longer here. She would stay here, and the thought filled her with a thrum of happiness that was matched by that of the TARDIS, who had welcomed herself into Kousa's mind almost immediately. Kousa didn't question the ship's apparent telepathy, it just felt… right somehow. And now, she could talk to the Doctor, something she hadn't been able to do with anyone else before, not since before she'd lost her memories anyways, and her world felt just a little less empty. Whatever happened next, Kousa was certain of one thing: she was home.

**AN- enjoy it? I hope you did. I was very tempted to bring Illar along as a companion, but then realized that made no sense with my plot. Unfortunately, as I quite liked his character. Either way, he gets the pleasure of rebuilding his planet and society. That's almost as cool as traveling time and space. Just a quick question, how do you feel about Kousa? She isn't an OC, though I can't tell you who she is (though most of you have already guessed) but I feel like her character is a little… lacking. This chapter received a major overhaul of writing style, with how I incorporated the different points of view and thoughts with dialogue, and I hope it was a bit smoother than previous chapters. Opinions? Once again, thank you to all of you who have reviewed, favorite, followed, or just read/are reading this. I do not have time to reply to reviews, although I try to reply to some questions or especially awesome reviews, but sometimes it just comes down to this; "I have 20 minutes of free time! Do I work on that report that's due? Nah. Let's go on fanfiction! Oh look, reviews. I can either answer them or type the next chapter. Hmm. Decisions decisions. Oh, I know, I'll write."**

**So yeah. Narrative aside, I really, really love my reviewers, and if I get the chance to reply, I will, if not, know that I appreciate it by updating. Reviews are addictive. And more of them are like coffee- it makes me finish chapters faster. Until next time!**


	7. Chapter 6: Decouvrir

**Chapter 6: Decouvrir- to discover**

**AN- Look, quick updates! And long chapters! Cheer! Deep thanks to the few who reviewed last chapter (….., you guys are awesome) and also to those who followed and favorited. This chapter begins the journey to find Kousa's past and identity, it should be, um maybe three long chapters. Or four. I am also debating changing my chapter titles, I was going with a French theme, but I just realized it isn't really, well, logical. Nor does it have a purpose. Opinions? I've actually realized, since writing my other fanfics, reading others, and rereading this one that my writing isn't very well-developed and doesn't flow as much as I'd like. I also feel like there are plot holes despite how much I try to fix them. If you notice any of the above, let me know as I am attempting to improve it for the rest of this story. If you read to the end of this incredibly long author's note, and I'm sorry it's so long really, have a cookie! Sorry, there's only chocolate chip. I can't cook much else. So sit back with your cookies (I swear they aren't singed, they're supposed to be brown on top right?), read, enjoy, and review. (OMG 20 REVIEWS CELEBRATE!)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who. I do own some burnt chocolate chip cookies.**

The Doctor woke after a five hour restorative sleep, his mind feeling fully rebuilt, mental shields strong once more, and memories replaced in their proper spots after the Trahesian mind machine's scrambling effect. The one that must've caused him to hear Rose's voice in his head. The same effect that had prompted the visions of the glowing gold. While Kousa was a fierce and loyal companion, she was just a wolf. A telepathic wolf yes, but definitely not special like that. Not like Rose. The glow was the product of his imagination, the Doctor was sure, what else could it be? Wistful thinking and the aftereffects of memory, that's all he'd ever find her in again.

He deliberately moved his thoughts to his newest puzzle-and companion. The telepathic wolf who had no memories of her planet, species, or family, but had lost all of them. At least he knew who he was, even if he'd lost everything. Though he'd often wished he didn't remember Gallifrey burning or Rose's tears as they said good-bye on that Norway beach, there were good memories. Somewhere. Maybe someday he'd be able to think of them without the bad outweighing them. His new companion didn't even have that hope. Kousa didn't deserve the blankness that pained her, and the least he could do for the wolf that had saved his life- and his mind- was to help her rediscover her identity. If she wanted to. And if he was honest with himself, the Doctor was curious about the origins of his new companion.

Kousa was like a challenging riddle, the likes of which he hadn't seen in a long while. It would be good to obsess over something new for awhile, rather than brood over something old. The Doctor quickly cast his mind out into the TARDIS and found Kousa once again in Rose's room. He stalked out of his own with the intent of shooing her out, his face already darkening in anger, but as he approached where he knew the green door usually was, he felt the TARDIS' displeasure and gaped in surprise when she told him she'd moved it.

"But… that's Rose's room. You like Rose, why are you helping Kousa take it…" the Doctor couldn't understand the annoyance and frustration of the TARDIS at his words. She was firmly refusing to give him any more information, but he could tell she was exasperated with him. "Fine. She can have it. It isn't like Rose is coming back." Even as he said the words they were like shards of glass in his hearts and he turned to the console room.

The Doctor stretched dramatically as he stood next to the console. Five hours of sitting in one spot! How did humans do it every night? They wasted so much of their short life in one spot, doing absolutely nothing. He wrinkled his nose in distaste. That was five hours he could've been spending researching Kousa's species. Better get started now.

After asking the TARDIS to compile a list of planets with lupine species- particularly ones that were sentient or telepathic, he propped his feet up on the console, sitting in the jumpseat, the one he'd long ago come to think of as Rose's seat, and watched the Time Rotor pulse up and down. The TARDIS hummed comfortingly in his mind, reassuring him she would have the list done soon. She wanted to help him find Kousa's history too.

"Aha! Thank you old girl, I'll be done in a jiffy. Oh jiffy. Awkward word that. Don't think I'll ever use _that_ again," he muttered distractedly, already scanning the hundreds of images on the monitor, one of which included the werewolf he and Rose had met on Earth- he gave a tight smile at that one. Slowly, he came to the confusing and frustrating conclusion that there were no matches. It was apparently a fact of reality that there was a severe deficiency of species that looked identical to Earth wolves but were smarter and telepathic. Oh, and that scanned human sometimes. He ran a hand through his hair in frustration, fluffing it up and making it look even more electrocuted than usual.

Perhaps she was just some strange experiment by Torchwood, or some other alien nation. He knew of at least 340 species that abducted and experimented on other species. Even though she seemed quite adamant that she had once had a 'pack' there was a gigantic possibility that she was just a strange creature made in some lab. That would certainly explain the lack of memories. Of course, he could easily settle that decision by doing another scan to determine what her species' genetic makeup was. The Judoon reader had been inconclusive, but it was primitive, simple technology anyways- it certainly wasn't the best he could do. If she had a recognizable genetic structure he'd be able to identify it.

-Line Break-

The Doctor rolled out from under the console when he heard the unfamiliar but soothing sound of padded paws on the TARDIS grates. He'd been working on repairs- tinkering Rose would have called it, and his hearts gave a sharp, painful beat at the thought- for nearly an hour, waiting for Kousa to awaken. He opened his mouth to speak, intending to ask her if he could scan her, but she got to his mind first.

_I'm hungry, _she said, sniffing the air. _Is there food anywhere on this ship? Oh, it-she's called a TARDIS, right?_ The Doctor gave her a funny look, before supposing that her telepathy extended to the TARDIS. Although he found it a little odd that the TARDIS was so instantly taken with his new companion as to form a mental link with her. She'd only ever really shown a preference for Rose. It was certainly strange. Then Kousa's hunger seeped into his mind, and he realized she was trying to convince him to take her to go get food. He felt a pang of guilt, having forgotten completely about Kousa's dependence on him. Usually his companions just wandered around until they found the kitchen themselves and just ate whenever they wanted. Of course his wolfen companion wouldn't know that. Having her rely upon him was new, and it made him uncomfortable.

"Um, yeah. Here, I'll show you to the kitchen. What do you like to eat?" Now that his mental shields were back up, he didn't particularly want to let them down, not even to broadcast his own thoughts. Kousa could contact him. That was it.

_I don't know. Definitely not whatever that weird pebbly stuff you gave me before was. That tasted bloody awful,_ she said pointedly. He gave a sheepish smile.

"That would be dog food. I figured you looked sort of like a dog, and you certainly weren't saying anything to the contrary, so… how about some meat or something?" he asked, trying to recall what wolves ate. Kousa's face lit up.

_Chicken would be perfect_. The Doctor didn't even question how she knew what chicken was, and pulled a whole rotisserie chicken out of the depths of the TARDIS oven. Kousa's eyes were gleaming, and she was clearly starving, but she eyed it suspiciously. _How long has that been in there?_

"Why does it matter?" He groaned. Why did companions always ask that?

Kousa fixed him with a glare, _Well how long ago did you cook it? I don't fancy eating three hundred year old food._ That sounded suspiciously familiar… he shrugged it off, irritation winning out over his perplexing sense of Deja-vu.

"The TARDIS keeps everything inside a type of temporal distortion, frozen in time and it doesn't spoil. So even if I cooked it three centuries ago, it hasn't aged a minute. Certainly comes into handy for situations like this," he said smugly. And then he felt Kousa's famished drive for food and heard her growl in hunger. "Oh. Weelll, here it is then," he set the chicken on a large bowl on the ground, eyes locked onto the starving wolf. As soon as the bowl touched the ground, she lunged at it, only his Time Lord reflexes saving the Doctor from a not-so-nice encounter with Kousa's sharp fangs.

He shoved his hands in his pockets and stood by awkwardly as Kousa tore of strips of meat, paws on either side of the chicken to hold it in place and snout buried in its flesh. He was reminded of how unlike his previous mostly-human companions Kousa was- heck she even out-weirded some of the other species he'd had on board. As she finally slowed her ravenous tearing and chewing and settled down on her haunches to enjoy the rest of her meal like a civilized-er wolf, the Doctor decided to breach the topic that had been nagging at him since this morning.

"Kousa, you have no memories of your planet, don't even know your species, right?"

_No need to rub it in,_ she snapped back. He flinched. _Rude._ He flinched again.

"Anyways, how would you like to know, if I could find maybe, not your pack, but your planet or at least what species you are?" She stopped eating, all traces of animosity gone, and eyes shining in a way that reminded him painfully of pink-and-yellow and a tongue-in-teeth smile that he'd never see again.

_You could do that?_ Her mental voice, full of wonder, rang through his head like happy laughter, and it brightened his spirits just a bit. He nodded, grinning at her reaction. _Oh thank you Doctor! What do I need to do?_

"Not anything really. I'll just do a DNA scan, cross-reference your genetic material to the TARDIS database, first comparing helical structure to that of other organisms in nearby galaxies and then expanding outwards and then more onto nucleotide compatibility with certain structures and then-"

_Yes, yes, that sounds brilliant, but how will that help, exactly? We'd still have to find my species._

"Oh, um," the Doctor paused, his rambling interrupted. It was so annoying when people did that, made his thoughts go all scrambly and made it a lot harder to come up with brilliant ideas. "Well, we'll just start with the quick scan and blood sample, see if there are any others like you out there- and there must be somewhere. Just gotta find 'em, and we'll take that step when we get there." He gave her a manic grin, bouncing like a little kid waiting to enter a candy shop.

_What are we waiting for?_ She thought challengingly, and with a grin in her eyes, that he met wholeheartedly, they took off towards the med-bay, Kousa following his cry of 'Allons-y' with excited yipping as they ran down the hall.

-Line Break-

The Doctor gently pulled the plunger on the syringe back, feeling Kousa tremble beneath his careful hands. "It's okay girl, we're almost done." She just sat there, remarkably still even though he could sense her bundle of nervous feelings, and he did his best to convey soothing thoughts, though he still wasn't keen on giving her any more mental contact than already. At last he removed the needle, now full of blood, from the skin on her neck and ruffled her ears fondly. "All done." Kousa sighed and leaned into his hand, the tension fading from her body.

_I don't like needles,_ Kousa said, voice very small. The Doctor chuckled.

"Sorry, I had to do it. But now, I can just look at this with the TARDIS magnification multiviewifier, and there we go! DNA sequence front and center," he said cheerfully. The DNA of Kousa's blod was now being projected in a 3D hologram of blue light. He walked around it, and his brown furrowed in confusion. He couldn't figure out why the more he looked at it, the more puzzled he became. "I'll have the TARDIS run a check on it first, compare it to known species. It appears to be double helix, but it seems kind of hazy. Yes, it's rather like Earth species, but plenty of other planets have a double helix. Dellicoptix and Onyriblies both have double-helixed species, and these funny one-celled things on Miami- the planet not the city- even have double helixes. Although this one seems to be quite strange. It's not just the haze, I'm not sure what's wrong, it just looks different and-"

_Doctor, enough babbling. Again. Nervous habit I suppose?_ He stopped talking to meet the playful gaze of his wolf companion, caught red-tongued.

"Er, yes it's going to take a while and I'm very interested to see the results. I hate waiting for important things to happen," He looked morosely at the screen, flashing methodically through species after species and calculating the genetic differences.

_Perhaps you could escort me through the TARDIS and show me the locations of some of the other rooms. I can sense far more space, but since you seemed to be under the initial impression that I lacked intelligence, you neglected to show them to me,_ Kousa said, voice somewhere between affronted and amused. The Doctor sniffed, not one to be outdone.

"Well if you hadn't blocked yourself off mentally, I'd have known we could talk. I rather like having another telepath on board. It's been a while since I communicate with anyone by mind. Not since…" Reneitte, he added silently, thinking back to the stupid, awful mistake he'd made in letting her touch his mind. He'd just missed it so, ached for that touch, to fill up the emptiness in his mind, and his shields had been weak for just a moment, but it was a moment too long and he'd almost lost Rose then, too.

_Doctor, are you alright? _Kousa asked, concerned, and he realized he'd been staring off, silently and forlornly. He gave her a sad smile.

"'Course, I'm always alright."

_You can't fool me you know. I can smell your sadness. _He groaned internally at that. He'd forgotten how irritating telepaths could be. Hmm, come to think of that, it explained why he frequently didn't get along with his past selves. Besides the fact that some of them were downright irritating. _Doctor, I can tell you're avoiding the question._ Busted.

"I was just… remembering something. Someone." Her eyes softened.

_Someone you lost?_ She asked. He nodded. _Was it the human whose den I found? The pink room?_ He blinked in surprise.

"How-"

_You have the same aura and feel of desperate loss and loneliness now that you did when you found me there. I am sorry, for whatever happened to her. Was she your mate?_

"What? No, we were just friends. Very good friends. Best mates even," the doctor said, nearly blushing, superior Time Lord physiology be damned. He wouldn't even ponder the events of Bad Wolf Bay. Even if he'd wanted them to be something more, that path was closed now.

_Hmph. If you claim so. She must have been very special though, for you to remember her so much, so painfully._ Her eyes were searching him, and it wasn't a comfortable feeling. He broke eye contact, but could still feel her curiosity in his mind.

"She was."

_What was her name?_ He didn't want to say it, the very word hurt, but what he'd told the Carrionites was true. It kept him fighting, and he liked to think Rose would have been friends with Kousa. They were a lot alike, too compassionate for their own good.

"Rose." Saying it made him wince in physical pain, as his hearts squeezed painfully, despite how well he tried to hide it, and he knew Kousa saw it.

_I can leave the room if you want. I did not mean to intrude, only… only it smelled familiar and was warm and close, _Kousa whispered, casting her eyes down to the floor, clearly afraid she'd upset him. While it hurt for another to be there, he couldn't begrudge her. And the TARDIS was urging him on, coaching him on what to say as his own mind stopped working.

"No, it's fine. It… it needs someone to keep it lively. She isn't coming back." As soon as he said it, the Doctor recognized the finality, and he almost broke. They stood there in silent for a moment, both mulling over the pain of the past, and then the Doctor leapt towards the door, a forced smile on his face and fake bounce in his step. "Right then, tour! Come on, I've got lots to show you. The TARDIS goes on for miles, I think she's infinite."

_You don't know?_ Kousa sounded amused, as she began to follow him out in the hall, and he was relieved that she accepted his fake enthusiasm.

"Nope! I suppose I couldn't, she tends to keep her secrets to herself. There's a pool, a library, some gardens, even got a ballroom in here somewhere- haven't seen it for centuries though. Oh, and you've seen the kitchens, feel free to help yourself. The TARDIS is pretty good at adapting herself to occupants. She'll probably make wolf-accessible cabinets for you." With that, he took off down the hall, listening to Kousa follow, answering her mental questions eagerly, anything for a distraction, and trying to tell himself he wasn't just running from his problems like always.

-Line Break-

Kousa paddled eagerly through the warm blue water of the pool. She relished the feel of the lapping water, pulling at her fur. It was tiring, swimming, but the burn in her lungs made her feel alive, reminded her of a lifetime ago, traces of the life she couldn't remember. Running from death beside her mate. At least, she thought he was her mate, they'd been a team, and she was pretty sure she loved him, what else could they be?

She couldn't recall any images, but vague emotions and feelings bled into her thoughts, dredged up randomly with various activities. Even though the feelings, the loss, hurt sometimes, it was at least something to know she'd once had them. That she'd once felt alive.

So she kept swimming, kept panting, hoping to catch a glimpse of the one she remembered loving, but couldn't remember.

"Kousa it's done! The scan is complete get out of the bloody pool already, come on!" the Doctor shouted, bursting into the pool room. Heart tingling with something between excitement and terror, Kousa swam for the edge of the pool as fast as she could. The Doctor tapped his foot impatiently, and she growled as she hauled herself, dripping and feeing the weight of the water trying to drag her back into its grasp, over the edge.

_I'm hurrying. We've waited this long, an extra seconds won't kill anyone_, she said, and then shook herself. As she looked up at him, she sent bubbling, tinkling laughter to the Doctor's mind at his expression. He was drenched in all the water she'd just removed from herself.

"I just wanted to help you find your species. You didn't need to go and drown me. This was my favorite suit," he said petulantly, touching his dripping brown duster. Kousa rolled her eyes.

_It's your only suit. And I was just trying to hurry up and dry so I don't soak the halls of the TARDIS. I doubt she'd appreciate that._

"Ah, well, I can fix that!" the Doctor said cheerily, waving his sonic over himself, the blue light skimming his body and instantly evaporating the water. Before she could squirm away, he pointed the sonic at her, and she felt her coat grow pleasantly warm before it was left dry and silky.

_Thanks. Show-off_, she thought, walking towards the hall with her tail swishing haughtily behind her. _Coming? _The Doctor grinned and darted ahead of her, and they both ran down the hall, Kousa once again struck by a strange wash of nostalgia and hoping this quest would help her regain her memories. She didn't think she could take much more of this.

**AN- Well, this isn't as long as I'd hoped, and it's sort of a cliff hanger, but I need to find the next section that I wrote… It's either on my phone. Or in a notebook somewhere. Or in my email. Or in one of the other 50 notebooks I own. So… review and I'll update faster and the cliffhanger shall be satisfied faster! (probably in the next two days or so. I promise.)**


	8. Chapter7: Changement

Chapter 7: Changement- to shift (change) Part 1

**AN-** **Found my notes for this chapter! Scattered across time and space. Well, more like notebooks and phones, but that's not important. Anyway, here we have long-awaited answers, sort of, although probably not as much as you (or the Doctor) would like, and the next adventure. I just had to do a cliffhanger last chapter, sorry! Reviewers, you guys are awesome, and I just hope the rest of my readers are enjoying this story as well. So go on, read, enjoy, and review!**

**Disclaimer: I am writing on a fanfiction site. Self-explanatory. Although I do have to add, the species that I utilize in this chapter is based on one from a book series. I'll reveal their names/origin at the end of the chapter… let's see how many of you guess it right! (I'm betting not many, I don't think the books were very popular.)**

The Doctor skidded to a stop at the base of the hologram, running his fingers rapidly over the controls and frowning at the Gallifreyan symbols listing the species comparisons. Hearts pounding in excitement, he flicked to another screen, showing the closest recorded match, and stopped.

"No, it isn't bloody possible. This defies the entire basis of genetics. It has to be wrong, the evidence is standing right here-" he said, gesturing to Kousa, trying to reason with the scanner before giving up on diplomacy and kicking its base. "Ow."

_What's wrong? _Kousa asked tentatively, clearly terrified by his reaction and what it meant for her. He ran a nervous hand through his hair before answering her, trying frantically to organize his thoughts as every idea and plan he'd had was thrown to the wind, uprooted and nullified by the results that he knew weren't wrong. The TARDIS' technology was the best in all of space and time-but it couldn't possibly be correct.

"It's… it says you're human, or at least that your DNA is human in origin," the Doctor said, flinching at the waves of puzzlement, so similar to his own, rolling over his mind.

_But I've seen humans, and while I'm no expert, I'm pretty certain that I look nothing like them. If my DNA is the same, shouldn't I look a little, well, more human?_ Kousa asked, obviously concerned. The Doctor looked up at her, keeping his face as neutral as he could. It wouldn't do for both of them to become upset. Right now he wasn't sure which one of them was the calm one and which was panicking more.

"I don't know, and it's killing me. Let me do a manual scan quickly, I can see if your DNA has been influenced in any way, manipulated or manufactured." He went back to the screen of his scanner, hoping it wasn't some harmful mutation or some idiot's idea of fun to toy with her genes. As long as it wasn't Torchwood, oh please don't let it be Torchwood again. He might just accidentally blow them up this time, if they were experimenting on humans.

_You think I'm an experiment? Some lab rat?_ Kousa's voice was cold, an unfamiliar tone of something like hurt and betrayal in it, something he hadn't heard from the usually chipper wolf. _What does that mean for my past? It was nothing? Didn't exist?_

"No! Not necessarily, they might've taken you later in life, maybe you lived as a human before and whoever it was converted your DNA and…" he trailed off at the accusations ringing in his mind, combining with all the other guilts. Once again, he could hear her voice in his mind. He was really going mental, couldn't even tell if it was Rose or Kousa he was hearing.

_I remember them. My past was real. He was real, and so was the… love I felt for him, _Kousa paused, sounding like she was testing out the words, and he was about to comment about how those memories could've been of her pre-genetic manipulation, or manufactured entirely, but she pushed on. _But so was the pain. If nothing else, I know I had a life before because I have the pain of losing him. That's something so awful no lab could ever conceive it. It was all real._ He staggered as Kousa's last word was accompanied by a raw burst of emotion. Whether intentionally or not, he felt her pain, so like his but vague, desperate loss and regret and the knowledge that they were unmistakably, irreparably, _gone_ but she couldn't even see the face of the one that she'd lost.

He gasped, as his pain melded with hers and for a moment their minds touched, his bursting with colors and memories and everything he'd fought to bury whilst hers was darker, like someone blinded. It was dark, locked away, and inaccessible. As he stood there for a moment, he sensed the enormity of his companion's mind- impossibly larger on the inside, he noted distantly to himself- and the depth of her intelligence. He could see how much she had lost, but also that she was in an empty mind, everything gone, veiled, and only a swirl of disconnected emotions and her recent few months in the forest. Suddenly, a soothing golden glow touched his own mind, numbed his pain, the emotions that had been hurled to the front of his mind as he was unknowingly dragged into the mental connection.

_Kousa? _He asked, still trying to get his bearings. She brushed his mind gently, trying to comfort him. He leaned into its warmth for only a second before recoiling and abruptly sealing his ind once more. He opened his eyes, gasping and pulled away from where his hand had unconsciously reached to touch Kousa's head. Her eyes snapped open as well, unsure, confusion hovering in her painfully familiar hazel eyes, just barely flecked with gold. The Doctor flinched and pulled away, firmly re-establishing his mental shields. He didn't open up to anyone, and he hardly knew Kousa. But he couldn't blame her, the concern and fear that she was telegraphing belied how inexperienced she was at controlling her telepathy. He'd really need to work with her on that someday.

"I just… just give me a moment," he said, breathing deeply until his heartbeats returned to a normal rate and his thoughts were clear. It was then that he allowed himself to eye Kousa as calmly as he could, though a little of the cold, icy Oncoming Storm that he was fighting slipped into his expression. She trembled a little under his gaze, and he ignored it. "Don't ever go into my mind like that again."

_I didn't mean to. I have no idea how that happened Doctor. I was just angry… I don't want to just be an experiment and my memories hurt and I didn't know how to tell you, and then you were there in my mind, and yours was so chaotic and painful and I just wanted to tell you it was alright, _she said, speaking very rapidly, her voice small and apologetic, and he was surprised to find, even sympathetic. He sighed. He knew it was a misunderstanding, but having anyone else in his mind still worried him. He'd say it frightened him, but Time Lords were generally above fears, unless they were entirely warranted, and his mind being invaded by a, admittedly intelligent, telepathic wolf did not count as fear-worthy. He was just… touchy about his mind being invaded was all. Especially after Sarlokth-Reia.

"You're a very strong telepath, but you don't know how to control it. Makes me suspect you weren't telepathic your whole life. Just…try not to reach outside your mind so much. You cast your mind out and it latched onto mind. The fact that you managed to barge right past my shields makes me think you would be an incredibly strong telepath, dangerous even, if educated properly. Maybe someday I'll teach you how to control it, but for now just think about keeping your mind sealed off in its own bubble.

_There's not much to seal off_, she muttered resentfully, and he chuckled a little, relieved that their strange life on the TARDIS was back to its version of normal. _How do I do that without blocking my words and stuff?_ She said, and he could hear how distant her voice had become. Quick study she was, even if she was trying a bit too hard.

"Just think of the thoughts that you send me as little bubbles that break off from parts of the main one. The smaller the better. The shields that form around these little thoughts protect those around your mind from breaking while still allowing things in and out." He suddenly stopped, his breathing halting as well, thinking of another analogy, two worlds separated by a very breakable barrier. But it could never work, there was no way to transport any sort of physical entity across the void. A message would just be too painful, for both of them. Good-bye had been said, what else could he say? Hello Rose, just popping in to finish that sentence, I love you but we'll never see each other again, maybe next week I'll give you a movie recommendation, go live a fantastic life without me, see you next Thursday! He wasn't sure if the impossibility hurt more, or the fact that he'd give anything for it to work.

_Um, Doctor, I think I got it. You can stop staring at me now,_ Kousa said, her voice clear and bell-like once more. He blinked, and scolded himself for allowing dreams to take over his waking mind as well. As if he didn't suffer enough nightmares in his few sleeping hours.

"Oh. Just, you know, trying to make sure you're alright," he said cheerily, pushing away his thoughts and feelings. "I pushed you out of my mind pretty roughly there." He hadn't meant to, really, but while he didn't want anyone inside of his mind, he was also unsettled by how good it had felt to communicate with another so internally, so completely, the kind of touch Time Lords used- the kind he'd missed with an ache that rivaled his need for Rose.

_Yes. Fine._ She searched his gaze briefly, although he couldn't imagine what for, and looked back at the scanner. _Are you going to continue to stare at me, or try to decipher this?_

"Oh, right, er, yes. Let's take a closer look." The Doctor put his specs on, the 'brainy specs' as Rose would call them. "If we're going to assume your genetics aren't nonsensical because of tampering or experimentation-"

_They're not._

"Well then there must be something else going on. Something that changes the relationship between genes and there expression. Aha! Now that I think about it, there _is_ wolf DNA, superimposed over the human strands. It's very selective and specific and doesn't make any sense. The wolf DNA is acting as a third strand, tying itself into the double helix, but I don't have any clue what sort of a force is holding that third strand on. Time Lords have a third strand, but our-mine is held together by time energy, and whatever you are, it can't be a Time Lord, the DNA is clearly _not_ that," the Doctor was speaking rapidly, and Kousa probably didn't understand, but that was okay, because he was really just trying to think aloud. Kousa was a mystery, something that scientifically should not exist but was right here before him.

_So I'm a human-wolf hybrid?_ Kousa asked, looking vaguely uncomfortable. _That's not… that's not _naturally _possible right? I must be a lab experiment then, so every memory was false. I'm nothing, my life never existed,_ Kousa cried out, her gasping, shuddering thoughts tinged with panic. The Doctor paused to give her a comforting pat on the shoulder, as she sat morosely beside him.

"Actually, no, I don't think you are. An experiment that is. No technology in the universe can weld together a triple helix of DNA. Substitute nucleotides in to make it a mashup of recombinant genes-sure, easy! But add this third strand, buried and hidden so deeply that it didn't register at first and _adds_ to your DNA rather than rewriting it- I've never seen anything like it. You're unique," the Doctor said, voice low and soothing but unable to keep out the tinge of awe.

_So there aren't any others like me? What about my memories of my mate? This still explains almost nothing Doctor,_ she said crossly, her panic fading, though she was still moody and quite snappish. Females.

"Weell, the combination of genes makes me think the human is dominant- there's more human in you than wolf. Which means you should look more like a human. _Unless!_ You did at one point. The only thing I can logically think of, and I can think of a lot, is that you, Miss Kousa, are a shapeshifter."

_So I was human-or at least mostly human at some point?_ He was a little disappointed that Kousa wasn't more thrilled with the discovery that she was a shapeshifter, possibly, but he nodded anyways, and she sat for a moment in quiet deliberation. _So now, though we at least suspect I'm a shapeshifting species, what do we do? _Kousa sounded lost, but hopeful, and the Doctor promised himself he'd solve the mystery of Kousa's past for both of their sanity's. His eyes lit up, and he suddenly bounced on the balls of his feet.

"I know just the place to go, hold on and before you can say deoxyribonucleic temporlogical acid we'll be well on the way to finding out about your past!" With that he darted out of the med bay and back to the control room. As he started slamming controls and flipping switches he laughed, feeling more alive and full of purpose than he had in months. He shot a grin at Kousa, as he turned the final knob. "Allons-y! Off to Calliopicus!"

-Line Break-

_So what are we doing on Calliopicus?_ Kousa asked, her ears pricked with excitement, standing beside the door after having picked herself off the floor when the TARDIS landed in its usual violent manner. She heard the ship's laughter, and tried to tell the TARDIS that she didn't think her passengers enjoyed suffering bodily harm with each landing. The ship's cheeky, somewhat vaguely emotion-y and picture-y response seemed to indicate something along the lines of 'they like it.' Kousa just shook her head, overcome with the thought of finding the answers to where she came from. Now, heart pounding and mind whirring, the vague and lost emotions swirled within her and she was reminded of how desperately she wanted to remember.

"Calliopicus is a planet of shapeshifter. I saved the king's family from a tsunami caused by a malfunctioning magnetism machine, so they should be pretty willing to help us. They're also an incredibly intelligent, advanced race with some of the best technology out there. Whether it's DNA scans or shapeshifting, I'm sure they can help us." With that, he opened the doors, and Kousa squirmed through them even before they were fully open. She stood in wonder, gazing up at the bright blue sky, so similar to the one on Earth, though her nose and ears were picking up a million new things. She heard the Doctor's chuckle behind her, and turned to look at him with an affronted expression.

_I haven't had the chance to really soak in the feeling of being on a new planet yet. The last one was a little… violent, _she said, only about half of her attention on the words and the rest on the strange pattern of the language she was hearing all round her, a guttural roll in the background that somehow made sense to her mind. The TARDIS was translating for her.

"Yeah, but, well, that last trip ended well right? No deaths, and I only had to wipe one being's memory-not too bad compared to some of the trips on my track record," the Doctor said, hands in his pockets and a smirk on his face. Kousa shot him a withering glare.

_You are hopeless. It's a wonder you've lived as long as you have, _she sighed. He was ridiculous sometimes, like a child. A very sad one perhaps.

"900 years," he said proudly. "Or over, I keep losing track." Kousa just shook her head, somehow not surprised by this piece of information.

_Completely mad you are._

"But so bloody brilliant! Come on Kousa, let's go investigate!" With that he started to stroll down the cobbled street they'd landed on. Kousa followed at a slower pace, her attention drawn to the strange hovering markets and the various aliens scattered around the street. Every shape imaginable, from humanoid forms to serpentlike, winged, and gilled was scattered in the market. Feeling slightly overwhelmed by the dizzying array of scents, colors, sounds, and emotions, she sped up until she was padding along beside the Doctor, her shoulder pressing into his side, about level with his hip. He looked down, a mixture of confusion and concern on his face. She gave a shy, almost apologetic glance before looking away, though she wasn't sure why.

_Everything is so different. It smells different, looks different, the air even feels different. How can you do this all the time? I feel like I'm drowning in it all,_ she said, overwhelmed though she felt like she should be able to handle this. She felt suddenly inadequate. His expression cleared however, and was replaced with one of sympathy.

"Ah, didn't think about that. Most of my companions are human-er fully human. They don't pick up on things like that. Me, I've got about 23 extra senses than them, but I've just gotten used to it. You will too, just focus on one thing at a time. It'll dull the culture shock a little," Kousa sent a sharp method of affirmation and then proceeded to focus only on the smell and sound of the Doctor beside her, the only familiar thing in a- pardon the pun- alien world. He smelled like the TARDIS she had come to call home in her short few days aboard it, and rather like something wild and desperate. However much he tried to hide it, she could smell it on him.

The sound of his double heartbeat was quiet, but as she focused on it, she felt her hearing sharpen and it grow louder even as the world around her dulled. Excited at the new skill, Kousa began experimenting with the narrowing and widening of her focus, first on a strange blue fruit that was glowing in pulses, and then on a vaguely female alien that hissed at her as she passed. Slowly expanding her field of focus, Kousa almost didn't notice when the Doctor stopped suddenly, and she walked past him a few steps only to smash her nose into a crystalline door.

"Maybe block out a little less next time," he said cheekily. Kousa growled and rubbed her throbbing nose with her paw. Rude alien.

_At least it kept my mind from frying at the influx of everything_, Kousa said offhandedly, but she didn't miss the way the Doctor's face fell at her phrasing. Then he turned to the doors she had run into and held out the sonic screwdriver, prepared to unlock it. To both their surprise, the doors swung smoothly open on their own. The Doctor shrugged, and they both walked into the huge, reflective glass dome that appeared to constitute the entrance hall to the palace.

Kousa looked up in wonder at the elegant building that radiated age, power, and sheer elegance. Curving pillars of bluish stone, ranging from a bright turquoise to a light sky blue blended with darker shades of sapphire were spaced around the outside edge of the circular citadel. On each of the pillars was carved thousands of shapes, strange and sometimes terrifying creatures of every shape and size carved perfectly into the stone. The Doctor glanced down at her, and she hardly heard his words in her mind, barely a whisper, lost in her own awe.

_The carvings are depictions of every shape any Andalite has ever shifted into. Some choose to retain their original form, others choose a single form to remain in instead. This shows how every member of the species has chosen, since the dawn of their species._ Kousa just blinked, unable to speak, but as she felt the Doctor's comforting presence pull away from her, she reluctantly turned her gaze from the magnificent walls and pillars to the raised dais in the center of the room. It was a semi-circle of crystalline stone, the border of which was marked with a narrow, shallow pool that encircled it. A golden staircase spanned the distance from the floor to the dais, and the back half of the dais was hidden by a huge yellow veil that hung down from the ceiling, so high up that Kousa couldn't even begin to understand what was holding it up. A clear, silvery waterfall made of something that definitely didn't smell like water ran down the entirety of the veil and cascaded down into the pool around the dais.

"_DOCTOR! WELCOME BACK, SAVIOR OF THE SEAS!"_ a booming voice echoed in Kousa's mind, tearing her gaze from the beautiful, mesmerizing ribbons of water as she searched for the speaker. There were several curtains acting to separate the circular hall from what were apparently hallways splitting off from it, but none of them appeared to have been disturbed. She looked up at the Doctor, unsure if she should be concerned about the invisible speaker, but his expression was simply one of embarrassment and amusement.

"I wouldn't call myself that… I just reversed the polarity of the magnetism of your moon through the electroseismic rotor…" The voice interrupted him with equally booming laughter, and Kousa simply sat down beside the Doctor, tucking her tail protectively over her paws, still incredibly uncomfortable without seeing the speaker.

"_I SEE YOU HAVE CHANGED YOURSELF SINCE THEN, YET YOU ARE NOT LIKE US. YOU ARE A VERY STRANGE MAN DOCTOR. AND WHO IS THIS CHANGELING WITH THE SHIFTING AROUND HER SOUL THAT YOU HAVE BROUHGT? SHE IS NEITHER LIKE YOU NOR LIKE US. SHE IS INDEFINITE."_

"That's actually why we're here. I encountered her on an adventure, and she does not know who she is. Her DNA… it is blended. It's impossib- improbable. We were hoping your knowledge and scientists could aid her quest in finding what she is. Your Majesty," the Doctor added, inclining his head in a slight bow. "Her name is Kousa."

"_COME UP TO THE DAIS LOST ONE. KOUSA, HE CALLS YOU. THAT IS YOUR NAME IN THIS FORM, IT IS NOT YOUR TRUE NAME."_

"_Do you know it?" _she asked tentatively, eager to know anything about her past, but so very uncomfortable with this seemingly omniscient being that she still couldn't see. His voice was loud in her head, and it crashed into her thoughts alarmingly. "_Does this mean I am a shapeshifter then?"_

"_OF A SORT. YOUR FORM IS INCOMPLETE, IT HAS NOT YET SETTLED. YOU HAVE COMPLETED ONE SHIFT. THIS WILL NOT BE YOUR LAST." _Kousa wanted to growl in frustration, wondering if the mysterious voice could be any more enigmatic. And he had ignored her first question entirely. Judging by his nervous shifting beside her, the Doctor was getting frustrated as well.

"_But what about my name? I don't remember anything, my head is so empty, can you at least give me that?"_ Kousa didn't mean to sound plaintive, and winced when her voice came out in a pleading tone. She wouldn't beg for it, even if the aching in her head that was always present had increased dramatically with this overwhelming use of telepathy. She felt a buzzing on the edge of her mind, and then it retreated as she gasped.

"_I am sorry. I was not entering your mind, merely touching the edges, as I felt the spike of pain and fear. Your telepathic abilities are far stronger than I had realized. I apologize if my voice was causing you distress," _the voice said, its volume softening. Kousa sighed in relief as the pain in her head reduced back to its normal dull, aching hum. She wasn't sure what to think of the fact that a king was apologizing to _her._

"_Thank you… er, Your Majesty," _Kousa managed, unsure of how to reply.

"_Please, … call me Naolikith. Kousa, your true name is too precious. You must find it on your own. _Kousa frowned, and she could feel the Doctor's unease as well. Shooting a glance at him from the corner of her eye she noticed his frown. She stared for a little longer, searching for what he was really feeling, and she giggled a little in her mind as she realized he was as frustrated as her with the complete lack of answers.

"_How do you know so much about me? I've never been here before… or at least not yet," _Kousa said, although she glanced at the Doctor as she realized it was entirely possible that she would come here before in the future. This stupid time travel thing was annoying. Something nagged at the back of Kousa's mind, about the TARDIS and how she traveled through space and time, but she pushed it away.

"_You are tied to our history, our present, our future. You are, to put it quite simply, special." _Kousa pricked her ears as she realized the voice was centralized behind the veil of silver-water. She tried to ignore the pounding in her heart as she contemplated the words.

"How-" the Doctor began, but he was interrupted by the arrival of the speaker, heralded by the sound of hooves clinking against the crystalline floor and echoing through the largely empty hall- actually, as far as Kousa could tell it _was_ empty, except for them. Her breath caught as he walked around the veil, a magnificent blue-skinned creature with four hooved feet and a body like a horse. There was a humanoid torso blended smoothly into the chest of the equine body, and to top it all off, a long tail with a scythe on the tip lashed the air lazily behind him. _Centaur._ Kousa noted to herself, though she had no idea where the word came from. Despite the Doctor's attempt to speak, his warm eyes were locked on Kousa, the expression sad, and Kousa noted wryly that his species probably spoke through telepathy because they had a strangely absent mouth.

"_Do you know what species I am?"_ Kousa said, shocking herself with her forwardness, although Naolikith didn't look surprised in the least. The Doctor, however, looked miffed at being utterly ignored.

"_Your ultimate species is lost. Their planet was destroyed." _Kousa felt her heart and lungs stop working, she felt her entire being stop. The grief she felt for a place she couldn't even remember, was crushing. The regret, the loss, was this why she felt more, in those blanked out memories, the infinite pain of someone, of many people being ripped away?

"_Then I am the last. I'm… alone,_ Kousa thought brokenly, dropping to the ground completely and curling into a ball. The Doctor dropped down to the ground beside her, waves of sympathy- empathy even- rolling into her mind from his. He stroked her shoulder, trying to send soothing thoughts, and Kousa felt them, but she pushed the feelings away. Right now, she knew loss, and she wanted to feel it more than false calm.

"Naolikith, there had better be a reason you're tearing apart her world without giving any answers, because old friend or not, I refuse to let you hurt Kousa," the Doctor's voice, cold and strong, in defense of _her_ made Kousa crack open one eye from her position on the floor. He cared. He really did, and despite everything she had just learned, it rekindled the warmth inside of her, a little bit of the will to live.

"_Doctor, we shall speak in a moment. My words now are for Kousa. Little Wolf, all hope is not lost. There is one other, the male. Your soulmate. Separated in time and space, memories lost. Your reunion is fated. A fixed point," _Naolikith said, pointedly to Kousa though his eyes shifted to the Doctor at the last words, who stiffened beside her, the words 'how' forming on his lips. Kousa had something to say before he could get into another argument. Even if it was on her behalf.

"_But how will I find him, I can't even remember him?" _Kousa asked, her heart aching for something- some_one_ she couldn't even recall. Naolikith's expression fell, and he fixed her with a long, solemn, and searching look that made Kousa want to howl in pain. Or, possibly, claw his face off.

"_That I do not know. For now, however, let us turn to lighter talk," _he clapped his hands together and smiled through his eyes as Kousa gaped at him in shock. What a callous, ignorant- _"I will have Läorika show you around the palace, Kousa, while I speak with the Doctor. Then you may consult with our official court scientist, Faillik, before you rest. You may stay overnight here, my welcome guests!" _The Doctor had grown stiffer and more and more tense beside Kousa, and the wave of distaste he was emanating, particularly as Naolikith reached the end of his instructions made even her worry. Another blue centaur, _Andalites_, the Doctor had called them, this one feminine looking, and Kousa assumed was Läorika stood by one of the curtained halls and gestured for her to follow. She glanced back at the Doctor, still standing at the base of the dais, concerned about wandering off without him, but her concern turned to fear for him as soon as she saw his face.

He was fixing Naolikith with a hard, cold, and dark expression that she wasn't accustomed to seeing on him. _Oncoming Storm._ The words seemed fitting somehow, even if Kousa felt that this was not a face that suited him. And then she shook her head. She'd only known him a few days anyways, what did she know about what was normal for him. As she hesitated, he turned to give her a huge, false, manic grin, followed by a telepathic nudge with his mind.

"Go on, enjoy the beauty of the castle. I've just got to… discuss some things. Läorika can show you to the labs after you've explored a bit," the Doctor said, sounding a little forced, but definitely determined. Kousa knew it was hopeless to protest, and that speaking to Naolikith was something he needed to do. She nodded and followed the female centaur to one of the curtained halls. She just hoped the Doctor didn't do anything foolish that ended in them being chased off the planet with weapons at their backs. She quite liked this planet, and wanted to stay for more than a few minutes. Peacefully.

-Line Break-

The Doctor couldn't quite shake off the parallels between himself and Kousa- except she had a second chance while he… he was eternally alone. More than that, he was unnerved by Naolikith's knowledge, and he could sense that something about this Timeline was off. Naolikith had future- or past if his quip about history had meant anything, and that was worrying. He tried to fight down his anger at how the Andalite king had just hurled one of the worst pains in the universe on his poor companion. Don't do anything you'd regret. Scratch that, don't do anything Rose wouldn't want you to.

"Naolikith, good to see you again. Glad you liked my new companion. I've been trying to help her find her species, memories, planet, and all that, and no such luck. I'm quite curious how you seem to know all of the details, and why you refuse to tell her anything except that her entire race and planet is gone," the Doctor said, trying to sound nonchalant, but some of his bitterness slipped into his words. Rude. He shoved his hands into his pockets and anxiously fingered his sonic screwdriver out of habit.

"_Doctor, you of all people should know that Time is not always linear. She is written into our history, it tells of the savior, the female, the Bad Wolf."_

"Sorry, what did you say there?' the Doctor interrupted, his hearts stopping for a moment. Naolikith looked puzzled.

"_The female savior, the black wolf, and her mate, the lonely one._ _Why, is there something that upset you?"_ The Doctor just shook his head, waving off his concern as his hearts began to beat again.

"Nah, just thought I heard something else. The TARDIS landing was a little rough, must've bumped me around a bit too much, sometimes rattles the old brains about. Yup, rattled brains that's me," he rambled, thinking more about what he would swear he'd heard than about his excuse. How silly of him. It wasn't Bad Wolf, it made no sense for it to show up here, he was hearing things again. Wouldn't be the first time. He'd removed the vortex from her completely, and anyway, Rose was a universe away. Why would Bad Wolf turn up here? "So how is Kousa in your history, as some sort of prophecy? I didn't think your civilization- as advanced and keen on technology you lot are- believed in that sort of thing," the Doctor queried, still unsettled by the almost-Bad-Wolf reference.

Naolikith's chuckle, though it sounded soft and soothing, irritated the Doctor as he retorted, "We don't." The Doctor scowled. These bloody Andalites could be so needlessly mysterious. Naolikith glanced at him in obvious concern, but continued, _"No, it has already happened. Though not yet, apparently, for you." _Naolikith looked curiously at the Doctor, who squirmed a bit under his scrutiny. Why did he feel like a child with his hand caught in the cookie jar right now? He hadn't done anything wrong, not this time at all, and yet he still got that searching gaze. _"She and her mate saved our world. I cannot tell her- or you- certain facts that would jeopardize that future-past. I expect you understand that would damage the timeline, correct?"_ The Doctor nodded, momentarily mind numb and shocked into silence. That was certainly the first time in a century or so that he'd been lectured about maintaining timelines._ "The least I could do was give her some general information and the hope that she will be reunited with him." _The Doctor couldn't help but wonder how long this would be for him, he couldn't see himself traveling with a wolf pair (or a wolf and whatever Kousa's mate was), it was oddly domestic, although certainly strange enough that it might actually make sense in the TARDIS.

"I see. Weeell, I thank you for your help, and er- hospitality, and I'll just head down to um, the research part. Yup. That'll be next then." He hovered anxiously by the dais for another moment before Naolikith inclined his head, as if in dismissal, and the Doctor felt himself deflate a bit, dreading his next visit on this planet. He bowed nervously to his old friend and walked out of the crystalline throne room blankly, letting his feet guide him, remembering the correct hall and path from the fifty-or-so years ago that he'd been here.

As he walked he was struck with a sudden wave of temporal _wrongness_. They shouldn't be here, he and Kousa, and he supposed it had something to do with their past on this planet. And then there was the detail Naolikith had let slip about Kousa and her mate as a fixed point- an unchangeable constant in all of time and space that terrified him. Such bonds were rare, usually only around events, and never between two living organisms. Yet he couldn't sense it on her. Jack, a fixed point, an living, temporal anomaly, felt wrong and unnatural, but he could sense nothing around Kousa. Powerful telepath or not, she wouldn't be able to hide that. It almost made him doubt Naolikith's knowledge and credibility entirely. Maybe they'd visited here in the past and been woven into a distorted version of history.

The thing that did shake him, truly, was the knowledge that Kousa had once been human, although he wasn't sure why it had such an effect. It certainly did explain her advanced mental state, human DNA, and strange knowledge of human things. The Doctor _had_ been wondering how she knew how to turn on light switches, and this finally answered that puzzle. As he pulled up to stop just outside of the door to the palace's science lab, he took a deep breath and prepared himself. He was ready to face Faillik.

**AN- Yeah, the Doctor has sort of developed a complex about people inside his head. Heck, I would too. And holy crap this is the longest chapter I've ever written. By like, a thousand words or so over every other one. I had fun coming up with the names in this chapter. The Doctor is still daft, and just a little bit blinded by guilt, misery, self-depreciation, and memories. Poor Kousa, she's just quite lost, isn't she? I've been dropping hints like crazy this chapter, anyone want to take a guess at what I've got planned? And I am willing to guess that NONE of you got the book series this species are borrowed from! *drumroll* it's… Andalites from the Animorphs series! They were quite old, and I don't think very popular, but they also came with a ready made shapeshifting species that I have always had a soft spot for because let's admit it, blue scorpion tailed centaurs are pretty cool. The book series was quite good too, if anyone is looking for a decent sci-fi fix. Very short novelettes, although there's something like 100+ in the series. Ok, random ramble about series done. Random quick question: would you guys prefer me to continue updating this or posting and updating the sequel to pomegranates? I'm sort of debating which one to focus on more right now, I have more of this story done, but a little more drive to work on the other one. Any preferences? The next update to this story should be up by the end of this week, I have some stuff due before New Years that sort of has to be finished before this… I do love reviews though, so leave a comment, even if its just to wish me a happy New Years. If I don't update before then… HAPPY NEW YEARS PEOPLE! 2015 HERE WE COME!**


	9. Chapter 8: Changement part 2

Chapter 8: Changement- to shift (change) Part 2

**AN- So this story is going to continue to be updated, and I'll shove the plot bunny for 'fortune cookies' to the back of my mind. For now. So reading over my outline/first draft of the next bit I have written, I realized this little Calliopicus (which is a planet that is entirely made up by me) interlude is probably going to be a 3-parter. Also, this story is not a crossover, I just borrowed the Andalite species as shapeshifters because I like them. I didn't even remotely relate it to the plot from the books they are from, Animorphs. In fact, if you have read those books, you will realize that I kind of ignored how their shapeshifting abilities work in this fanfic. In my fic, they typically choose a final form to take when they reach maturity, though nobles and such generally remain their "original" form. They also do not use technology to 'morph' (I call it shifting) for them it's genetics. And the Andalites just make a short appearance in this story. Trust me guys, I have at least 15 chapters planned. Maybe more. We've still got a ways to go.**

"_**Telepathy,"**_

"**Normal, out loud speech,"**

**Disclaimer: I own neither Doctor Who (and its associated stuff) nor the Andalites or Animorphs series (and its assorted stuff of which I really don't use much.) I also don't own a coffeepot. It's a sad life.**

The Doctor stopped just inside the doorway, looking with distaste at the creature before him, a strange misshapen cross between Andalite and human. Faillik's back was turned and he was working on something at the lab shelf across the room. He should feel sorry for him, it was a terrible thing for a shapeshifter to be trapped halfway between two forms, but he also knew it had been Faillik's choice to put his shifting in stasis while he drained Larith's energy. The Doctor shook his head slowly, making a firm mental effort to lock away those memories. However much he hated it, and would never admit it for fear of stoking his already over-inflated ego, Faillik was a brilliant scientist, and he needed his help. He couldn't afford to attack the Andalite scientist if he wanted to help Kousa. Didn't mean he didn't want to.

"_Hello Doctor, no need to stand in the doorway, I know you're there,"_ Faillik said, his reedy, intelligent mental voice interrupting the Doctor's thoughts. Bloody telepathic species. Even with their low power they could sense him. Ruined any sort of surprises. Surprise parties were definitely out.

"Faillik," the Doctor said by way of greeting, walking slowly around the lab to stop before him. He tried to take in the hundreds of half-completed experiments and the various uses of the Andalite's advanced technology. If he just kept looking at all of it, he could avoid ever reaching the scientist.

"_Enjoying my works? I'm sure you haven't seen anything like them before, quite original I am," _Faillik said with a smile. The Doctor was struck once more by how unsettling his distorted features were. He had a fully humanoid torso, patched with blue skin and stunted, crooked equine legs that may or may not have ended in fingers and toes, looking far too weak to support his body. Faillik must have noticed the Doctor's not-subtle glance, because his expression darkened slightly, downturned human lips so unnatural on and Andalite face. _"I cannot stand for long periods of time, but it is a smile price to pay for my life and what I can still achieve. When there's all this that I can do, well, why worry?"_ As Faillik gestured around the lab with a smug, self-important grin, the Doctor couldn't restrain himself any longer. This regeneration always had been a bit rash.

"The price _you_ had to pay? I recall a certain young Andalite paying with her _life_ in your foolish experiment to save the planet," the Doctor spat, "and oh, that's right, it didn't even work." Faillik's face darkened, but the Doctor continued. "She had so much talent, and power, she had so much potential, and you used her- sucked the life out of her to create a magnetic field that _failed._"

"_She volunteered!"_ Faillik thundered, the force of his thoughts ringing in the Doctor's mind. _"We had no other choice, our planet was collapsing in on itself, and all we had were the words of a madman in a blue box that he could fix it,"_ he paused with a pointed glare at the Doctor, who wondered if he was more put out that he'd been the one to actually solve the problem, or the fact that more people had believed the Doctor could solve it. _"I am the head scientist, they told me to do something about the crisis first. I had to do something, and my plan was brilliant. It would have worked if it weren't for the miscalculation in the global spin equation. Larith chose to sacrifice herself for her people. Such is the life of Naturals like her. The energy of an infinite number of morphs, able to power the protective magnetic field, and my own power, all I could give."_

"It wasn't ever going to work," the Doctor said in a low voice, knowing that he was treading a dangerous path with the arrogant scientist. Faillik hissed, and the Doctor rushed to speak and drown out the vehement defenses of his project. "The calculations of the magnetic release source were wrong. It wasn't a force that could be oppositely bent and maldirected away. It had to be absorbed like radiation and redirected into a black hole. That's how I fixed it. It didn't matter what you did with your calculations and your energy waves. It wasn't going to work." Faillik was silent, and the Doctor wondered if it was the first time the confident, smooth-talking Andalite had ever been shocked so thoroughly. He waited, what felt like hours but was only… two entire minutes and fifteen seconds, before Faillik looked up at him again, something akin to horror on his face. The Doctor was shocked to see anything besides his usual haughty control.

"_Doctor, I tried. You have traveled the universe, surely you know, having seen more death than I, that rationally everyone can't be saved. I had to weigh the risks. The planet was simply more valuable than the life of one Andalite filly-"_

"Not to her. Or her family. Or to me. Because I don't believe that," the Doctor said, his face hard, even though he could see by the confusion and stolid belief on Faillik's face. The bloody fool really thought he'd done the right thing. The Doctor couldn't relax the iron hold he had on his emotions right now. Even the slightest bit. Because then he might kill Faillik, and then Kousa would never find her species. And he'd be an enemy of Calliopicus too. He just had to keep telling himself the little malformed Andalite before him wasn't worth it. But he couldn't resist adding, "_I_ saved them all, including you, but not her. Because you'd already made the decision that she wouldn't get the chance. If you can't see that…" He was pleased to see Faillik squirm uncomfortably in the face of the Oncoming Storm, just a touch of guilt and doubt in his Andalite eyes, though he knew the scientist would stand firm. There were some people whose minds just couldn't be changed. It was all he could do to pull out the sample of Kousa's blood.

"_And yet you want me to help you? What makes you think I would agree to that?" _Faillik asked, his voice shaky but with the self-assured amusement seeping back in. The Doctor raised an eyebrow and fingered the vial. Two could play at this game.

"I think you'll find this project difficult to resist. My companion- the wolf, Kousa, I'm sure you've heard of her already," he paused at Faillik's now sharp, almost hungry gaze focused on the vial of blood and smiled grimly, "She has no memory of her past, and we would like to discover her origins; or at least her species. Naolikith seemed to believe she's a shape changer from your history, one of a remaining pair of her kind. He also seemed to believe that she was incredibly important, or at least I suppose. His answers were rather vague."

Faillik snorted, _"Naolikith always did have a flair for the dramatic. What do you think so far, or have you done any scans?"_ The Doctor stiffened at the cocky grin and the implication that he wasn't intelligent or capable enough to have done any sort of scan at all.

"I've done a DNA scan and nucleotide comparison. Everything I get says she's mostly human. She's got some other odd genes in there, but primarily human and I suppose wolf." Faillik sniffed disapprovingly, and leaned towards the vial eagerly. The Doctor could almost see his long seven fingers twitching in greedy glee.

"_You would trust me with this?"_ Faillik asked with a strange mix of skepticism and hope. The Doctor gave a forced grin at what he knew he was going to have to do next.

"Nope!" he popped the 'p' as cheerfully as he could "I've got to keep an eye on you and I want to know everything you're doing and what every single piece of equipment that you touch does-"

"_You wouldn't understand half of it if I did tell you."_

"Try me. I also know that you're as curious about this puzzle as I am. Kousa's a mystery that you won't be able to crack without this DNA sample and that's killing you," the Doctor said, holding the vial out as his only bargaining chip. He knew Faillik couldn't turn down a challenge, but he also knew he was proud. He just had to hope he hadn't already pushed the Andalite too far. He really didn't need to worry.

"_What would this involve for the both of us,"_ Faillik asked suspiciously, clearly considering it, though painfully from the look on his face.

"You do the research, I supply you with what I know, offer any needed assistance, and watch over my samples. I receive the research, take the blood with me again- not leaving it here for you to experiment on, and if I see you synthesizing any extra I'll personally destroy your lab-" the look of horror on Faillik's face was almost comical, "and you get the satisfaction of uncovering a mystery from your planet's history, if what Naolikith said was true." Faillik looked like he was considering it, but the Doctor knew he'd had it since the scientist had seen the blood. Drive for discovery was conveniently strong in this one. The Andalite nodded, just once, but it was enough.

"_Thank you. Off to work then, __**lab assistant**__," _Faillik said imperiously, hardly glancing at the Doctor, who was gaping in shock at the demotion. The Doctor groaned unhappily. This was going to be a long few hours. Kousa had better thank him for an eternity.

-Line Break-

"_So your species can change their shape? Do you change everything… like DNA, and, and the way you think?"_ Kousa asked as she followed Läorika down the hallway. The Andalite woman laughed in her mind.

"_We can change our shape once. We choose a shape to stay in permanently, or sometimes simply stay as our original form, as I did. Except for Naturals, but I will explain those later. Our DNA changes to match our new form, and our minds are altered slightly to safely match our new form. Of course, our memories and spirits are the same; it is our reactions and behaviors that tend to adjust to the different neural patterns,"_ Läorika said. Kousa was struck by how scientific her speech was, before remembering that the Doctor had said that Calliopicus was a highly advanced planet. Läorika stopped walking and turned to face her, and Kousa nearly rammed her nose into the Andalite's side. Läorika merely smiled softly with her eyes, gesturing with a hand towards a doorway shrouded by a curtain. Kousa wasn't entirely sure what she was doing here, or where they were going, but the Doctor seemed to trust these people, and she trusted him so… When she stepped into the room her breath caught in wonder.

The room was a large garden, with the walls covered in tangling ivy-like plants so thick the crystalline walls only poked through with turquoise glints. The entire ground resembled a forest floor, and the roof was open to a sky filled with three large suns and one smaller, orangish one. Something about the place was familiar, a scent she could barely recognize, but it was there. Kousa shook her head. She should be used to the deja-vu moments by now, they never got anywhere past a tingle of familiarity, nothing more than the ghost of a memory.

"_I assume from your silence that you are pleased with this?"_

"_Yes, of course Läorika, it's beautiful. But why did you bring me here?" _Kousa asked, and then immediately felt guilty. Perhaps the alien woman had merely been following through on her role as Kousa's guide. Why did she feel like everyone had to have an ulterior motive?

"_Ah, you are so intelligent Golden One. You have questions for me I am sure. It is customary to undergo such interrogations in a place of peace for my people, so as to avoid unnecessary strain and damage the focus of the mind." _Kousa felt like sighing, though she restrained herself. Oh, that's why. Because everyone _did_ have ulterior motives.

"_And you have something you want to ask me,"_ Kousa said, fixing Läorika with a hard stare, not liking the feeling of being manipulated. At her gaze the Andalite shifted uneasily, her polished composure slipping a little into worry before she regained her businesslike appearance.

"_Yes. But I will not force you, we are merely curious about the savior who has traveled through our history that has returned before her journey has even begun. You may ask your questions first,"_ Läorika said, as though to appease Kousa. She still felt as though she'd been completely outmaneuvered, but there was so much she wanted to ask them… well, it couldn't hurt to exchange a bit of information either way.

"_Well… I don't know what species I am, the Doctor seemed to think I was a shapeshifter, and Naolikith, I mean the King," _Kousa said, stumbling slightly over the words and hoping she didn't do anything to offend the so-far kind Andalites.

"_Naolikith is fine, Kousa. You have the honor to call him by his given name,"_ Läorika said kindly, either not noticing or ignoring Kousa's uncomfortable shifting at the repeated insistence that she was some sort of special champion. She was a wolf with no memories of her past and nothing special, and all of this attention was unsettling.

"_He said my species was lost, but my DNA is mostly human and I _know_ humans aren't gone. There's millions, billions of them even. So… what am I?"_ Kousa said, her voice wavering as she tried to hold back the emotions of hopeless confusion that had been threatening to overwhelm her ever since she first learned of the fate of her 'species.' Läorika's eyes softened, and she settled down to lay beside Kousa, equine legs folded beneath her and hands clasped solemnly.

"_Oh Little Wolf, you have come so far for answers we cannot give you. I probably should not say this but… you were human once. That is all I can tell you, I'm afraid,"_ Läorika said, avoiding her gaze. Kousa reeled in shock, although it shouldn't have been that surprising. Her DNA was human, or mostly anyways, and she was pretty sure she had always known, somewhere deep inside, that telepathic or not she wasn't really a wolf. Mentally anyways.

"_I'm going to need some time to process that,"_ she muttered, not quite sure if she had thought that to herself or projected it aloud, and not particularly caring either way. Time to move on to safer topics. "_So, Läorika, may I ask you some questions about your species? You are only the third- fourth if you count humans- species I have met, and I'm really curious about… just about everything."_ Kousa paused and at Läorika's nod continued, shyly, still afraid she'd offend this incredibly peaceful race, "_I can't help but notice you er, well, you don't have a mouth like me, so how do you eat?"_

Läorika gave her an amused glance before answering, "_Oh what strange creatures you are, needing mouths for everything. Quite inefficient they are, I have never understood how those who choose shapes with mouths ever get used to them, although I have heard the sense of taste can be quite interesting. We absorb our nutrition through our hooves."_ She said it so matter-of-factly, as though everyone should know that and utilize that method that Kousa was left gaping. She quickly covered her shock with another question.

"_How do you know of my history on this planet? Naolikith said that it was a long time ago, how do you know that it was even me and my- my mate? What if it's a mistake and it was someone else entirely?"_ Kousa asked, knowing she was treading into dangerous territory by re-entering the topic of her own part of Calliopicus' history, but unable to restrain her curiosity. Läorika's voice in her mind was a mixture of trepidation and interest, but it was clear which one won out as the Andalite smiled at her, obviously coming to a quick decision.

"_I shall show you our Record Room. Come, Kousa, this will answer your question, and then we may return for my own."_

-Line Break-

As soon as the Doctor had handed over the sample, Faillik had taken it and run the entire list of basic DNA tests, despite the Doctor's attempts to explain that he'd already completed them. Faillik brushed off his findings, and the Doctor was quickly realizing how uncomfortable it was to be brushed off as unimportant. Was this how Mickey the idiot had felt all the time? He suddenly held a lot more sympathy for the little human.

After confirming everything the Doctor had already stated, Faillik moved towards a shining, crystalline piece of equipment that the Doctor didn't recognize, though some parts of it looked familiar. That edge there could maybe resemble a part of a Kefoian gene sequencer, if he squinted at it. He reached a hand out to touch the side of the machine, but Faillik unceremoniously shoved him away.

"Oi! What's it do? We had a deal, you have to tell me!" the Doctor snapped, though Faillik largely ignored his outburst, his attention focused on the machine before him. He ran his fingers- all seven of them- over a variety of lock-like switches on the side of a machine woven into the crystalline structure and when a latch popped open slid the vial into the space. Keeping one hand on the machine, constantly adjusting the knobs and buttons, the Doctor finally turned to glance at the Doctor, his amusement and superiority still stubbornly present on his face.

"_This is the only highly advanced Calliopesian Genomic Multi-layer Analyzer in existence. I designed it myself through a hybridization of other… technologies. Don't touch it," _Faillik said, turning his attentions back to the machine. The Doctor had to shove his hands in his pockets to fight the urge to pull out his sonic and scan the strange machine.

"What makes it so special?' the doctor asked, trying not to sound impressed, although he just ended up sounding pathetic instead. What was it about this bloody Andalite scientist that always made him feel so inferior? Faillik, thank Rassilon, was too deeply engrossed in his work to glory in his insignificance, and instead replied rather distractedly.

"_Normal gene sequencers, of any technology, just categorize and compare each nucleotide and their patterns. This one takes the DNA apart at its core, examines each gene and its effect on the entire strand, plus the effect of the composition, other materials, and the structure itself. There's no guesswork; it gives you the exact effect of every element of every nucleotide and molecule,"_ Faillik's voice had lowered with awe as he described his machine, and the Doctor had to admit that as arrogant and irritating as he was, Faillik was a genius. Anything made by him was certain to be extraordinary. Not as great as his creations of course, a sonic screwdriver was far more useful than a gene sequencer in practical situations.

"So you're planning to take Kousa's DNA and pick apart which genes do what to see how her spliced-together DNA works?" the Doctor asked, trying to keep the awe out of his voice. Faillik muttered something in his head that sounded suspiciously like 'if you have to dumb it down,' but he was too busy mulling over the idea in his own mind. It was truly genius, a way to examine the details of every part of a DNA strand, an infinite database of information. The Doctor frowned, suddenly struck by a flaw in the system, one that Faillik couldn't possibly have overlooked. "How can you sort through all of that data, certainly not manually, and I don't care how good your tech is, there's no system in the world that can compute things that complex." Faillik snorted, his derision obvious.

"_You can't, not in the normal way. I forgot to mention, the machine's telepathic. It's sentient."_ The doctor's eyes widened, and he automatically reached out with his mind before hitting a surprisingly strong shield that gave him a nasty mental shock. A very painful mental shock. _"Sorry," _Faillik said, sounding pleased with himself rather than sorry, and the Doctor realized just who had been shielding the sentient machine. _"She's sensitive, and working right now I don't know how it would affect her to feel another mental touch right now." _The sense of horror and dread was rising quickly in the Doctor as he tried to figure out what it could be and what the implications of a telepathic, unknown thing of incredible power and access having hold of Kousa's DNA and the mind of one of the most intelligent beings in the universe.

"Faillik have you any idea what this thing is, whether it's dangerous or what it could do? Where'd it even come from?" He said, almost pleading the Andalite to see the potential danger of the situation. Oh please, please tell me it hasn't taken over the planet or something. I don't really want to do this today.

"_I found her, a shard of crystal wedged into a meteorite and she spoke to me, sort of. I was afraid she was dying, tried to cultivate her, but she could barely hold on. So I brought her here, to the lab, and tied her into the power supply," _Faillik's voice was defensive, and the Doctor ran a hand nervously through his hair as he continued, _"I didn't… didn't realize she'd integrated herself so thoroughly until after a few years. She just sort of… absorbed the technology, the information, and made herself into a living database. It was with her help that I tied the gene sequencer into her," _Faillik's voice was smaller and less certain, and the Doctor felt like his worst fears were being realized. Not that he knew what those were anymore, the worst had already happened to him, over and over again.

"What can it- she do with that information?" the Doctor said, voice low, dangerous. If this thing had any malicious intent, with its access it could destroy this entire planet, and potentially worse. Faillik met his gaze, determination and confidence renewed, and the Doctor just hoped it wasn't unfounded. He was a clever Andalite, right?

"_She couldn't, well, wouldn't do anything without me. I think- well, it's strange and I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's like she's bonded herself to me." _The words were so nonchalant, innocent, but they were so important. The Doctor stepped away, mind reeling, looking upon the crystalline structure with a torrent of emotions while Faillik went on, oblivious, both hands now pressed to the crystalline structure as he worked. _"I can send her what I'm looking for, and she'll sift through the data, give me the important information, send it over in a thought. Right now, she's working her way through Kousa's DNA, markers that I'm looking for. I've been using this process to sift through and find genetic markers for diseases, helping civilizations swept by cancers and DNA destabilization. Trying to do something good after…" _he trailed off, and for the first time, the Doctor could see regret in his eyes. He wasn't sure if that shocked him more, or if it was the pieces that were slowly falling into place. He decided it was the latter.

"Faillik, when she's in your mind, does she speak to you?" his voice wavered a little, but the Andalite didn't seem to notice, cocking his head slightly as though debating the answer for a moment.

"_Not really. It's more like a hum, like a little song. I don't know how I can understand it, none of the others can. She's there, but it's more colors, information, and notes than words," _he said, finally noticing the stricken look on the Doctor's face, paling and shifting to pure shock. _"Doctor, what's wrong?"_

"I think… it's a TARDIS- weelll, not really, it's a shard of one. But she shouldn't have been able to survive the Time War, that must be why she latched onto you, bonded to the only living thing she could find. And she's too damaged to regrow, so she grew herself into technology just to stay alive," he said softly, looking sadly at the crystalline structure that he imagined must be the artificial heart she'd grown to house the tiny spark of vortex energy that he could now feel- barely there- if he focused hard enough.

"_A TARDIS? You mean, like your ship? But then why, how…?"_ Faillik stuttered, and it would've amused the Doctor to see the genius lost for words, except that here was another shattered remnant of his race, ruined by his own actions, trapped in what was essentially a life support system. Oh the poor TARDIS shard, it had to have suffered so much, only to live a half-life now, doomed here.

"Yes, but this one was only a baby, and now she's broken forever. She's got almost no connection to the Time Vortex, only enough to keep her alive, and her natural heart is lost. She's grown an artificial one, but this is all she has left, an echo. Eventually the little scrap of vortex will burn through her and kill her. Killed by her own life force," he said softly before turning to meet Faillik's gaze, noting the complete absence of disdain and superiority that usually graced his expression. "Be honored that she bonded to you, Faillik. This never should have happened, and I know better than anyone how you can be. Don't destroy her in the search for some discovery. She needs you, more than a child or a mate or a slave. There's nothing I can do. I'm so, so sorry," he said, the last part aimed at the TARDIS, and he wasn't sure if he imagined the brief brightening in the glow of the crystal. Through his shields, he could feel a weak thrum of sadness, but acceptance. Faillik looked stricken, and he looked with pity and horror at the crystal beneath his hands.

"_I never knew…"_ he looked forlorn, and the Doctor felt a pang of pity for the young Andalite, and wondered for the first time if he'd been too harsh in judging Faillik the last time they had met. And this time. And any time in between. Suddenly, Faillik's eyes widened, and his grip on the TARDIS crystal tightened. "Oh! Oh, she's found something, hang on…" he trailed off, eyes shut in concentration. The Doctor fidgeted anxiously, bouncing on the balls of his feet, eyes fixed on Faillik until the Andalite suddenly stilled, a frown on his face.

"What is it? Is something wrong with Kousa?" he asked, panicking. Faillik opened his eyes, and they were guarded.

"_She- she says she knows her, the Bad Wolf. Or was it Black Wolf? I can't, I-"_ and then Faillik's eyes rolled back in his head, and he collapsed to the floor. The Doctor caught him before his head hit the ground, but only through reflex. His own mind was long gone, thinking of a glowing, golden pink-and-yellow human, and wondering what the bloody hell she'd done.

**AN- I love my cliffhangers! I hope the TARDIS fragment plot wasn't too out there, it was an idea that just sort of happened (like most of my plot points do.) Faillik is certainly a match for the Doctor, don't you think? He's pretty fun to write, and I hope that so far my multitude of OC's has been fairly acceptable, character-wise. I really enjoy coming up with names for characters, especially in the who-verse where you can just string together letters and it all works! I'll probably update this sometime towards the end of next week- I know it's going to be a busy week. If it happens to be any earlier, consider it a lucky surprise! Thank you to all who reviewed last chapter, and favorited and followed this story. You are all awesome people, thank you! And to everyone else reading this, please please please review! I love getting feedback, it helps my writing, and it keeps me writing faster. Plus, if you see anything you'd like to change, offer suggestions- I WILL consider them! So…. REVIEW! Until next time!**


	10. Chapter 9: Esperer

Chapter 9: Esperer- to hope

**AN- *sheepishly creeps in* So sorry everyone, I know this is over a week later than when I planned to update! My life has been insane these last few weeks, with family emergencies, exams, and a whole host of things. Updates were honestly the least of my worries. But everything's good now, so enjoy the long awaited (for some of you I guess) third installment of the Doctor and Kousa's time on Calliopicus. They are going to leave this time. And don't worry, I will address the baby TARDIS. It got so much concern and feels that I almost feel like I should name it or something… TARDIS JR maybe? Anyways, enjoy the chapter. And review. After the week I've had, reviews would be absolute love.**

**Disclaimer: Je ne possèderai jamais Doctor Who. ****(I will never own Doctor Who. *Cries*.)**

Kousa followed Läorika through the halls of the palace, marveling at the strange décor and trying to keep herself from worrying about what the Andalite woman was planning to show her. The palace walls were lined with strange material, hovering somewhere between organic and technological, a blend of glass and stone with metal that just barely reminded her enough of the TARDIS to comfort her. She couldn't tell where one substance ended, rather the various structures of the walls melded together seamlessly. As they strode down the hall, Läorika was silent, but she kept her mind open enough that Kousa could sense her pleasure at her guest's awe. They finally came to a stop outside a room, separated from the hallway by the customary red curtain. Läorika gestured for Kousa to enter, and she did so hesitantly, though her curiosity was burning to figure out why Läorika's mind had just taken on a distinct tone of reverence and wonder. Her trepidation was washed away by those same emotions as Kousa entered the dark, circular room. The pale blue light and Kousa's own enhanced vision made it easy enough to see the stone-and-glass tablets that encircled the walls of the entire room. Breathing softly, her eyes wide and ears pricked forwards, Kousa stepped towards one of them.

"_What are they?" _she breathed, even her mental voice quiet, everything permeated with a sense that this place was not to be disturbed.

"_These are the old records of our history, from the very beginning of our civilization. These are merely the originals. We have… updated them a bit since then," _Läorika said, smiling in Kousa's mind as she spun around in circles, attempting to take in the entire room at once.

"_It's beautiful, why would you ever need to update them?"_ Kousa guiltily stopped her spinning, struck by the reason she had come here and mentally berating herself for forgetting. She wasn't here for a vacation. She needed to know who she was. What she was. _"Läorika, I don't mean to be rude, this is amazing, but how does this explain my place here? These tablets are pictorial stories, that much I can tell, but even if I were pictured in one, how can you tell that it's me? I don't want… I don't want to have any false hope. Please, I need to understand,_" Kousa said, trying to keep the note of desperation out of her voice and not exactly succeeding. This vague hinting at her past, how every time she got close to learning anything, the universe only gave cryptic hints and more questions; it was starting to drive her mad. The look on Läorika's face was one of pity, and she simply nodded her head and pushed her seven fingers into a panel that met the exact shape of her hand beside the first tablet.

"_I am the official Record Keeper, come Kousa; I will show you the true depth of this room." _As she did so, the room around them shifted, replaced by thousands of images floating in the air. Kousa looked around dizzily, overwhelmed by the pictures and strange emotions and thoughts she was sensing. They were barely there, fleeting presences like ghosts, like the half-finished lines of a poem that had been lost. She could feel that they weren't truly alive, but the deluge of voices in her mind, singing in emotions that weren't her own was like a storm. After a few minutes, she remembered how to block it out, and the whirling slowed to a gentle buzz as she focused back on Läorika, who had laid a hand on her shoulder. _"Steady, young one. It takes many by surprise. The exchange of memories can be overwhelming at first." _

Kousa wanted to ask her what they were, and how they were in her mind, but she couldn't manage any words. The song was back, not quite filling her mind yet, but burying any coherent thoughts she might've had otherwise. Oblivious to Kousa's discomfort, or perhaps thinking her silence was due to wonder, Läorika continued, "_These are the memories, emotions, and shreds of consciousness stored by our people in the special organic crystals of our planet. They hold the mental energy for centuries, allowing us to view the events of our history through the minds of our ancestors. Obviously, as our technology has advanced, we copied the memories to a more clear and secure containment, but this room retains a sort of ambience and presence that the newer records cannot meet." _There was a wistfulness in Läorika's voice, and Kousa noted the distance vaguely, her mind still swelling with the song. _"Whatever you would like to view, simply focus on its image and reach out with your mind. The associated memory-wisps will follow your pull and you will be able to view it."_

Pulling herself towards a memory, choosing, wasn't even an option. She hadn't brought herself here, it was pulling her in. There was no decision, no consciousness, not even her own. It wanted her mind to recognize it, though she couldn't even feel the world around her, only the thin golden threads of light wrapping around her mind, her very soul. As it connected with her mind, Kousa's eyes flew open, gasping for breath, not aware of anything beyond the burning pain in her mind and the singing voice of warmth and light even as it hurt. But she couldn't understand it, and the thought filled her with so much grief that she cried out.

"_Your eyes…"_ Läorika said, her voice a mixture of wonder and… fear? Kousa distantly wondered what she was talking about, and then the thought was swept away as the golden light opened up within her mind into a swirl of images, drawing out the very one she had searched for unknowingly before, exploding into the air around her in a shape that was far past a semi-corporeal hologram. Images, information, history, and memory were drawn into the very air around her. But Kousa couldn't touch any of them, as a wave of energy burst from her thoughts and blocked her mind. _Not ready._ A voice whispered. And then a thousand images flooded through her mind, present for only a second before they vanished to the impossible, lost place where her memories had been locked away as well. The sounds of screams, voices begging for help, happy laughter, tears; and above it all, rising but unheard, present but nothing, a song that stilled the fear and panic.

Across her aching mind, an image blazed, cloaked in the gold that still burned through her mind, bringing the memories in and yet shielding them from her view, burying them to the recesses of her mind. A goddess, golden eyes and hair and skin, high cheekbones and clothed in a shining golden gown. She was there and yet not, a part of the past locked away in the room but reaching out, and Kousa felt her mind- not truly alive, merely a presence, within her own. Kousa panicked and clamped down on her mind, trying to force the _thing_ out of her, through the golden maelstrom that filled her head. The woman held on for a moment, longer, a sad but accepting look on her ageless face, in her blazing blank eyes, and then released her. The images whirling around the room faded, nothing more than ghosts of a memory, and Kousa's head cleared, blissfully free of the pounding, aching storm, cyclone, Kousa searched for the right word, finally settling on vortex, as her mind stumbled about like a drunken sailor. And then, exhausted, she joined her shaking body and collapsed into merciful blackness on the cool, welcoming floor.

**AN-Short Cliffie! That's all folks, see you next year!**

…

**Scared you didn't I? Just kidding. There's more. I know I'm evil. I glory and take pride in this fact. What other hobbies would I possibly have in life?**

The Doctor looked on, keeping his expression carefully blank and guarding the storm of emotions inside as a pair of attendants laid Faillik gently on the stretcher in the medical room. It was a large, square, plush white thing designed to accommodate any of the possible shapes of Andalites that immediately conformed to Faillik's body. He really should get the TARDIS to update the table in the med-bay and make it a bit more comfortable, the Doctor mused, before clamping down on that thought and running a hand through his spiky hair.

What Faillik had said, just before he blacked out, had shaken him. He knew that Bad Wolf was over, he'd pulled the vortex from Rose's mind himself and that Rose was far, far away. She hadn't known what she was doing on Satellite 5, scattering clues across time and space, and it wasn't hard to imagine that she'd simply hurled some too far. Tossed one out to the only other TARDIS in the universe- even a broken, crippled one. Likely, Faillik had just picked up on one tidbit of thousands in the information running through his mind. Overwhelmed. Hence the passing out. That was all it could be, and he just had to keep telling himself that. No false hope.

Faillik groaned and brought a hand up to his forehead. The Doctor looked on in concern- despite being an arrogant, egotistical know-it-all; the Doctor's earlier animosity had faded a little at the discovery of the TARDIS shard and prospect of discovering more about Kousa's origins. It had to count for something. Faillik's eyes flickered open, and then he blinked them shut again, moaning as if the light was painful. The Doctor was nudged out of the way, and he stood awkwardly off to the side, unable to do anything but too impatient to stand and wait as the attendants muttered soothing words to Faillik, reassuring him he was in the medical center and had just faced a form of mental-telepathic exhaustion and passed out. Faillik sat, breathing deeply for a moment, before unceremoniously pushing aside the comforting hand on his shoulder and rising to a sitting position, mostly-equine legs folded beneath him. He blinked his eyes blearily, searching until they fell on the Doctor.

"_Naolikith was wrong,"_ he began, ignoring the gasps of shock from the attendees. _"Kousa is not a shapeshifter. Her DNA does not flex into new forms, nor does it rewrite itself. It has already done that. The underlying DNA is a variant of human, the original strands. The third strand that it's spliced with… she couldn't or wouldn't reveal it to me. The wolf DNA is acting like a perception filter, shielding the expression of the other DNA and hiding the final piece of the puzzle. That's why…" _Faillik broke off with a groan, and the Doctor took an involuntary step forwards, fascinated.

"It's blanketing her DNA, causing the physiological changes and shielding her real form! But how did it get there? If she's not a shapeshifter, this 'cloaking DNA' can't be natural. I've never seen anything like it and I've seen a _lot_ of strange things. Impossible things. If her underlying species is human-or-at-least-similar, I'd wager that some force did this to her- but what's powerful enough to shield DNA like that. Nucleoripolation would just alter the structure, Replicatory Mutagintesting… Anahydroensic Alterations… think, think, think what technology can do this," the Doctor mumbled, pacing and well aware that he was thinking out loud and not particularly caring. He ran a hand frantically down his face, then through his already rumpled hair, excited to have some sort of lead at last.

"_Bad Wolf," _Faillik murmured, and the Doctor's hearts stopped, his pacing stilling as he stared at the Andalite scientist. It couldn't be. _"She-the TARDIS fragment, I've been calling her SI, Shared Intelligence by the way, said Bad Wolf created Kousa. Does that mean anything to you?"_ He spoke carefully; watching the confused and frankly terrified look the Doctor knew was darting, unbidden, across his face. The Doctor said nothing; he was barely able to block the look of pain that flashed across his face.

His mind, too pained to even fixate on any one thought, was suddenly hit with a torrent of emotion, fear, pain and longing that he recognized, slowly, as Kousa's thoughts. They weren't his. For once, those familiar emotions were someone else's. He turned, just as the door to the medical center flew open with Läorika standing there, Kousa's limp but breathing body laid gently over her back. The Doctor rushed over, pushing away the revelations that he couldn't quite deal with yet and began to scan Kousa with his sonic. There were no physical injuries, and he narrowed his eyes as he determined, that as far as he could tell she was suffering from the same sort of telepathic exhaustion as Faillik. He tried not to contemplate the implications of this connection.

"What happened?" he demanded of Läorika, feeling an unfounded sense of guilt that she'd somehow been hurt in a completely safe castle of an incredibly powerful and peaceful society in a matter of hours of arrival. Why did he always pick the jeopardy friendly ones as his companions?

"_We were in the old Record Room, and there was suddenly something- someone else, another mental presence. I have no idea where it- she came from. Kousa connected with it, the room was swirling with images, more vivid than those we have saved in the history archives, memories we never had saved. Then her eyes glowed… this strange, bright gold, and she cried out. Her mind was burning in pain, I could feel it, she wasn't attempting to shield herself at all, and then it was gone and she just collapsed,"_ Läorika said, laying Kousa on the other bed in the medical room. The Doctor fought down the urge to snap at Läorika, to tell the Andalite woman off for allowing his remarkably powerful telepathic companion to connect with a room of stored consciousness that apparently concerned their history on the planet. Instead, he turned his thoughts to solving the conundrum that was Kousa.

Why did Bad Wolf have to come back? Rose was gone, the Time Vortex had been pulled out of her, and Kousa had no part in that part of his life. Or hers, for that matter. Until, apparently, now. He didn't know what to make of the fact that Kousa had been contacted through a stored memory by what was only a temporary presence in the universe- but right now it only served to remind him of the woman he had lost. His pink-and-yellow human.

"_Is your strange companion all right?"_ Faillik asked uncertainly, and the Doctor nodded sharply, lips drawn together tightly in thought. _"Does this have anything to do with Bad Wolf?"_ he asked gently. The word sent a shiver through the Doctor's mind, and he started frantically pacing the room again, avoiding Faillik's gaze.

"What did the scans tell you about Kousa's DNA just before you collapsed?" the Doctor said curtly, not caring if he was being rude. Rude and not ginger, that's him. Even if there wasn't anyone around to remind him of it anymore. He heard Faillik's mental grunt of irritation at his brush-off, but the scientist's desire to share his discovery won out.

"_As I was saying before the strange energy surge, her DNA is shielded. Some of it is similar, or well, I suppose used to be, human DNA. Now, it is hybridized, and I have no idea with what. The most interesting is the underlying energy spikes. The DNA is still shifting; the strands are incompletely attached at the moment. It's not completely set. I'd guess that is why she has no memories; they are being repressed as her mind changes, a sort of coping mechanism."_

"Will she gain them back?" he asked, trying to bury the faint hope trickling into his mind. If she knew something about Rose… but it was impossible. Universes sealed, Bad Wolf or not. Faillik didn't seem to notice, his gaze focused on Kousa for a moment, considering the wolf sleeping peacefully on the white stretcher.

"_Eventually, I believe she will. Once her DNA stabilizes. I'm not sure what else will happen once the wolf DNA fades. It is only a perception filter at a molecular level after all. She will most certainly revert to her true form._

"So I just wait until she… she completes changing to find out _anything_?" the Doctor snapped. Faillik looked at him coldly for a moment.

"_I do not know, Doctor. And I would appreciate rather more courtesy considering that this is substantially more than you would have known had I refused to help you. Regardless of your perspective towards my history, you came to _me _for help, and I agreed. Now is not the time for misplaced aggression,_" the Andalite said, boring his eyes into the Doctor's and sparking a slight sensation of guilt. He wouldn't admit it aloud, but Faillik was correct. At least he had something to go on now.

"Er, yes, you're right, thank you for your help. I'll try to keep my irritation out of conversation. So, Naolikith said she had a final form, that she'd shift into that one. I suppose he was partially right," the Doctor said, with a nod to Faillik, conceding. The prospect of unseen DNA changes hidden beneath her phenotypic appearance explained what Naolikith had meant before.

"_So I'm not a wolf at all?" _Kousa's voice suddenly rang out in the room. Both Time Lord and Andalite turned to look at her, and the Doctor grinned widely in relief. _"Doctor?_" she said again, softly. He realized her voice- even her body was trembling, and there was a note of fear in her voice. His expression softened, and he stepped towards her to stroke the ruff of her neck. She closed her eyes and relaxed slightly at the comforting gesture, but he could still feel the fear drifting off of her like an aura. He hated to shatter her world again, Kousa had already faced more shock today than she should have to, but she needed to know this.

"No. We have no idea what you are."

-Line Break-

The Doctor joined Kousa, Faillik, Läorika, and another pair of Andalites. They weren't quite guards, but they were certainly keeping an eye on the visitors. Naolikith was apparently otherwise occupied at the time, leaving the four present free to discuss the strange events of the day. Or, as the Doctor would have preferred, avoid thinking about aforementioned events.

"I must request an audience with Kousa, as I have several questions I would like to pose to her regarding her history on this planet and her present," Läorika said once the Doctor, Faillik, and Kousa had confirmed each of their stories. Kousa remembered almost nothing from the encounter with the memory of Bad Wolf, only light, pain, and the sensation of another mind. She confessed to having seen a swarm of images, but it was as though they had been wiped from her mind. The Doctor wasn't sure whether to curse or be thankful for that. He now fixed Läorika with a glare, after confirming that Kousa was still huddled by his side, unsettled and exhausted.

"No. She is not answering any questions. You already know everything there is to know about her at present, and your past hasn't happened yet for her. The information that she could receive from you would damage the timelines because it isn't in linear time. It's all timey-wimey and you really shouldn't be messing with it since you obviously cannot comprehend how complex it is."

Faillik broke in with a sharp glare at the insinuation against her intelligence, _"Doctor, Läorika meant no harm, she was merely curious. She does not have the amount of access that some of us have- she may be the Emperor's niece, but her access is only to the records. Hence her interest in history- particularly in meeting those who are a part of it and yet still alive."_ The Doctor had to admit he was surprised by the arrogant scientist's defense of Läorika, but he had more important concerns.

"Regardless, Naolikith is aware of the complications of our history and the knowledge we should and should not have, correct? I really hope he had _some_ reason for being enigmatic and mysterious, because otherwise it's just annoying," he said to Faillik, twirling the sonic in his fingers with a smirk on his face. The scientist rolled his eyes, the first show of undignified immaturity that the Doctor had ever seen him express. He was corrupting Faillik quite successfully with his human customs.

"_Yes. But that doesn't mean that everyone on the planet automatically understands temporal complexities. And unfortunately you are quite popular on Calliopicus due to your places in its history,"_ Faillik said with a sigh, falling into contemplative silence. The Doctor shot a glance at Kousa, silently curled up at his side on her own Andalite version of a chair, a large plush cushion rather like the ones in the medical center. She had spoken little since awakening from the Record Room incident, and the Doctor wasn't quite sure what to do about it. At least he had other things to discuss.

"Faillik, I have been thinking-

"_At the level of an Andalite or the level of a human? There is a distinct difference, and I'm not sure where Time Lords- you in particular- fall on that spectrum."_

The Doctor growled in response and continued, "Time Lords are far above. And I'm a Time Lord. And back to the point, I wanted to find a way to save the TARDIS shard- er what was it you named her? IRS, Izzy, SIRI…"

"_SI."_

"Ah, yes. SI. Weellll, she is currently being burnt from the inside out by the Time Vortex energy that keeps her alive, because her physiology is incomplete and cobbled together by an- admittedly resourceful and brilliant- engineer. There is no way to create a vessel strong enough to save her. _But_," the Doctor stressed, hearing the sound of distraught protest from Faillik and grinning slightly, "I can take her onto my TARDIS and allow her to assimilate herself to a mature TARDIS. She can grow and maintain her connection with the Time Vortex safely until she is stable enough to house her own."

"_So SI would have to leave. But Doctor…"_

"Yes, but if she stays here, she dies. I don't care how much you can utilize her to power machines and glean information from infinite data. SI is a living creature that must be nurtured, not used, and she will _die_ if she stays here," the Doctor snarled, eyes flashing. He felt Kousa shift beside him, and a little of the cloud of grief hovering around her diminished in the face of a wave of irritation.

"_Give him the chance to speak. Honestly Doctor, do you need to assume the worst in everyone? Did it ever occur to you that his motivations aren't selfish? I know that you are bonded to your TARDIS, and wouldn't it kill you to be separated from her? Why wouldn't it be the same for Faillik?" _ she said forcefully, as the Doctor recoiled. She was right, of course. He had forgotten that part.

"Ah. Yes, that's right; I'll have to consult her on that. But Faillik, even knowing that it will… hurt to lose SI, do you think you could do that? Your bond wouldn't be broken, just sort of stretched. Beyond reach. Like a rubber band into infinity. But it could save her." Faillik's expression was pained, torn, and the Doctor's heart went out to him. He had nearly lost his TARDIS so many times, and it was more painful each time. He had nothing else, and it was readily apparent that Faillik too, relied heavily on his TARDIS shard. Kindred spirits.

"_If it kept her alive… I would suffer through that loss. The technological advances are important, but not as much as SI is to me-nor as important as her life. I have made that mistake before, and while the saving of lives is more important, I can see now, through my bond with SI, that sometimes… one being _is_ worth more. To a certain individual that is,_" Faillik spoke firmly, his eyes trained on the Doctor's, and it took all of the Doctor's control to keep from flinching at his words. Regardless of how they were intended, to the Doctor they felt like a jab to the heart, a reminder of what had been and could have been and was gone. Rose had been worth it.

"Well, let's go talk to SI then. And after that I think we will be off," the Doctor said cheerfully, burying his feelings and grinning at the exclamations of protest from both Faillik and the long-quiet Läorika. "You are putting us in danger with your ignorance of time etiquette," he pointed at Läorika, who blushed, "and you," he turned to Faillik, "are going to give me back those DNA samples before I leave as well." Faillik replied with a frown and grumble, but led the way to the lab anyways. Kousa followed after a moment, and the Doctor looked at her in concern. Her heart rate was still abnormally high.

"_I'm glad that we're leaving Doctor. Something just feels… wrong about this place. Not the people, it's like us being here is a problem," _Kousa said softly in his mind. The Doctor knew she had limited control over her telepathy, but at the very least she had shielded her thoughts to only him, and he replied in kind, strengthening the link to block out unwanted eavesdroppers.

"_It's the timelines. It was wrong of us to come here at this time. It isn't quite crossing over our own timelines, but it's close enough because of the apparently extensive involvement we've had in this planet's history. I'm surprised you can sense it at all." _The Doctor considered Kousa with a small, thoughtful frown on his face, before continuing with as nonchalant a voice as he could manage. _"Besides, foreknowledge is dangerous and Läorika absolutely can't be trusted not to talk about Calliopicus' history. If there's one thing I don't like it's a historian. Think they know everything there is- most of the time they get it wrong."_

"_I'm sure there are things worse than incorrect historians in the universe, Doctor. And anyways, if she's so wrong there isn't any reason to be worried is there?" _Kousa teased playfully, her chuckle a relief in his mind. He was just glad that his ploy to get her to relax had worked, and he replied with a small smile, glancing down to meet her laughing hazel yes.

"_Well, you never know. She might actually be right one of these times, and then where would we be?"_

"_Oh you are so rude. How do you live day to day without people wanting to kill you all the time?"_

"_I don't. Mostly they want to kill me, and try. Fortunately, I don't let them succeed," _the Doctor said smugly, enjoying the banter, familiar and for once he could pretend it didn't hurt. Just once.

-Line Break-

The Doctor laid a hand gently on what Faillik had told him was the TARDIS shard's main interface. He felt her unfamiliar yet similar hum and told, well, showed really since TARDIS didn't speak with words, SI his plan. The level of vehemence that washed over him was shocking.

"She said no. Absolutely, flat out refused to even consider it," the Doctor said aloud, in surprise and hurt. He reconnected to the TARDIS shard and pushed away his worry. He showed her he wanted to help, to take the pain away, allow her to live the universe-wide, long life she deserved, her birthright (well, growthright.) All he got in response was Faillik, bondmate, and work. She wanted to stay with Faillik, refusing to break the bond she'd formed in desperation to stay alive. He was shocked by the strength of their bond, a broken TARDIS and broken Andalite, the level of dedication rivaled what he had with his own TARDIS. What was more, the TARDIS shard wanted to stay to carry out the purpose that Faillik had given her. She wanted to remain a computer and an interface, and help the planet that had become her home. While he saw it as a prison, life-support, shackles, she saw it as a chance to help, to live, and a purpose. He nodded sadly in acceptance, understanding her decision even if he didn't like it. His own TARDIS cried out in sympathy for her distant sister, and he felt their brief reunion in his mind, like the flight of two birds meeting before migrating to other sides of the world. There was no other option, he knew that. Even if he could convince Faillik to come on the TARDIS, the Andalite was too important to his own time and world to be taken away. And she would not leave without him.

"This is goodbye then SI. Have a… have a fantastic life. Eh, nope that sounded better last regeneration. Er, well, nothing else fits. Take care of her Faillik," the Doctor said, directing this last bit to the Andalite with tears swimming in his eyes as the Doctor slowly, painfully, tore himself from the TARDIS shard mainframe. It hurt to leave another piece of his people to die on an alien planet, but it was SI's choice. He knew there was nothing else he could do, but it didn't change the feeling of failure.

"_Doctor, it's okay. I can hear her. She's happy here, you aren't dooming her or killing her or whatever it is you're blaming yourself for. It's not your fault, and just realize that before you tear yourself up over it," _Kousa said suddenly in his mind, breaking through his melancholy. The Doctor slowly smiled, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, and turned to Faillik, who had since gotten hold of his own emotions.

"Alright, DNA sample and we'll be off. Give Naolikith our regards, and tell him we're sorry we couldn't stay longer. And Faillik… good luck." The Andalite looked searchingly at him, and as he pressed the vial of Kousa's DNA into the Doctor's palm, he grabbed his wrist.

"_I just wanted to apologize, I suppose, for my mistakes. Perhaps… she did not deserve to die. I cannot understand it still, but I see that it was wrong. My intentions truly were good, though. I can try to seek forgiveness, you should too, for whatever it is that haunts you so. Good-bye Doctor," and with that Faillik spun off and hurried down the corridor. _The Doctor looked searchingly after the Andalite, but then turned back to Kousa, and nodded to her.

"Back to the TARDIS, Kousa. That was certainly a long day, and I'm starving. The wolf gave him a strange look, but conceded, ignoring the impatient looks Läorika was getting as the female Andalite craned her neck to figure out which way Faillik had disappeared off to. As he strode off down the corridors, he could feel Kousa's confusion, but also unexpectedly, _trust_ rolling off of her. Complete trust. And it scared him. _"Be careful." _he warned her mentally, _"People who trust me tend to get hurt." _The statement prompted such a wash of emotion, a contradictory blend of indignance, frustration, and comfort, that the Doctor stopped in the middle of the street they'd come up to enter the palace and didn't even react when a green-skinned, humanoid alien crashed into him and left grumbling about ridiculous passerby. Turning to face her, the Doctor met Kousa's hazel eyes, burning with something he couldn't identify.

"_I do trust you. I had nothing before, no memories, family, self, or life. Even now, I know far more than I could have ever hoped to about myself. You saved me Doctor," _she said fiercely. He turned away and continued walking down the path, towards the TARDIS, eyes firmly set on his safe haven. If he could just escape this conversation as easily as a Foubeian prison. If only she knew; what he'd done, who he'd lost, the lives he'd ruined.

"Kousa, you've known me for a few days. I have had companions before and most of their lives have been ruined by the encounters they had while with me. What if we never find out about your past, or find something you didn't want to know? Will you still be thanking me or will you be running the opposite direction and cursing my name?" he said, aware that his voice was harsh, but too raw to care. As he finally reached and opened the TARDIS doors, he darted in and began toying with the console as the doors shut automatically behind Kousa. He didn't have a destination yet, but this was better than looking at Kousa's eyes, both accusing and comforting at the same time. That shouldn't even be possible. Or legal.

"_Doctor, I don't know how your previous companions were, but I don't have a life to go back to. Where would I run? This is my life now, whatever happens, it's all I've got and I'm here to see it through to the end. For eternity,"_ she said, voice firm, but despondent. It echoed the promise Rose had made so long ago. But she had her family now, even if he didn't have her, and he wasn't quite alone. This was all he had left.

"_I guess that makes two of us," _Kousa said. The Doctor shot her a glance and tightened the shields around her mind, not quite sure how she kept getting around them. He hadn't realized he'd opened up his mind so much and had been leaking thoughts for her to hear. Perhaps the Trahesian mind machine had affected him worse than he'd thought, and he should probably scan himself just to be sure. Or maybe he just trusted Kousa as much as she foolishly trusted him.

"Well, time to head off to follow our next 'clue,'" he said, trying to ignore the churning in his stomach as he thought of it. Kousa followed him up to the TARDIS' console and watched as he darted around, punching buttons and flipping switches with an energy that was more nervous and frantic than manic or eager. He could feel her interest, unasked questions hovering in his mind, but he didn't want to think about it. How could he tell her she reminded him too much of the woman he'd lost and now she was getting messages from Bad Wolf- who he knew had been, at one point, Rose Tyler, or Rose had been Bad Wolf, the tenses were quite confusing, honestly, but the question remained the same. What was Bad Wolf doing in the history of Calliopicus, and what did she want with Kousa?

The Doctor held tightly to the console as the TARDIS rematerialized, one of his better landings, as he managed to remain somewhat standing. Kousa, on the other hand, shook herself to her feet and grumbled about poor driving, though with a distinct air of amusement. The Doctor was too nervous to even fake a grin. He checked the energy readings, and the TARDIS gave him a pleased sound. Good, she could refuel over the rift while he prepared his newest project. Good ol' Cardiff.

"_Where are we?" _Kousa asked, watching him as he dug a pile of alien technology out from underneath a storage cabinet somewhere.

"Cardiff, on top of a rift, a sort of gap in space-time. The TARDIS can refuel- re-energize herself here, and can use the energy for some tests." He wasn't lying to her, he told himself. Just withholding some of the truth… most of the truth. As the Doctor welded two pieces of metal for his rift-energy detector, he and Kousa both stopped at the sound of someone knocking on the TARDIS doors. They exchanged identical glances of surprise, it would've been funny if Kousa weren't still worried about her past and the Doctor worried about the implications of her tangled existence, Bad Wolf. If he didn't get this detector finished, he couldn't follow up his next hunch. The knocking came again, more insistent, and the Doctor sighed, then pulled out his psychic paper, rapidly thinking up a cover of conducting a trial reenactment of policemen and police call boxes. He opened the door with a sigh, that immediately turned into a squeak of surprise and a choke when he spotted the very alive- very annoyed and very _wrong_ face of Jack Harkness.

**AN- Oh jeez this was long. And hard. It probably isn't my greatest quality chapter, but I ran short on time and had a hard time writing the goodbye/end scene. It just didn't feel write. I like goodbyes about as much as the Doctor does. As in not at all. This underwent like three rewrites. Hopefully you guys like what I did with the baby TARDIS (SI). I couldn't possibly fit her into the plot, nor could I take Faillik with them (plus he's exhausting to write) and so… yeah. Be warned, however, that this might not be the last you ever see of little SI. But at the present, the Doctor and Kousa have left Calliopicus and the Andalites for… Cardiff! And of course our favorite Captain! This is going to be fun, I have such great plans for this next chapter… Well, again I am incredibly sorry for the delay in updates, this next one will take a few days (3-4) as unfortunately my updates have caught up to the part that I wrote. Until now I had it all written out just not typed. We have now reached the point where it isn't even written, just sketched out in my mind. So prepare for updates to slow down. (they shouldn't be more than a week, this was just the January from hell for me.) Anyways, reviewers are love, they make me write faster (notice, few reviews for the last chapter= 2 weeks between updates.) And thank you to all the people who followed and favorite this story! I hope you are enjoying it!**


	11. Chapter 10: Justifier

Chapter 10: Justifier- explain away

**AN- Yeah so I realize that was longer than a 3-4 day gap between updates… Sorry, this chapter has been done for almost a week, but my life has been crisis after crisis lately, including having to put down my first horse after an extremely bad colic episode (anyone who has horses will understand.) So… forgive me I guess. And updates for a while are going to be very sporadic because life keeps getting in the way. **

**Anyways, Jack has now entered the storyline, and I had a lot of fun (though it was also an incredible challenge) juggling the dialogue between him, the Doctor, and Kousa. Just for a timeline update, this story is about halfway done. Thank you to all the wonderful people who favorited, followed, and reviewed this story. 46 reviews! You guys have no idea how excited I am to have passed that milestone (I tried to demonstrate my excitement with an excess of exclamation points.) Read, enjoy, and review. Especially the enjoying and reviewing part. Well, and I guess the reading has to come first…**

**Disclaimer: Ten (eleven if you count the prologue…) chapters in and I'm still saying this… why? I do not own Ten. Or Eleven for that matter. Or anything else connected to Doctor Who. Sadly, I don't even own a sonic screwdriver.**

**Rating Warning: Some innuendos and mature themes in this chapter, courtesy of Jack. I may raise the rating just to be safe (because I'm a little over-cautious on that sort of thing.) It's only a few lines, for anyone especially sensitive to that sort of thing. Because Jack is, well, Jack.**

The Doctor tried to slam the doors, nausea threatening to overwhelm him, but a lithe black shape nudged her way between and the TARDIS stopped him before Kousa was squished.

"Really Doctor, slamming doors on people is no way to greet your old traveling buddy. Love the new pet by the way. Getting domestic in your old age? Speaking of which, how'd you go from big ears and bald to young and big hair? Not that I'm complaining, I quite like it. Just thought you had a thing against pretty boys?" Jack's voice was calm, warm, and as flirtatious as ever, but his arms, leaning against the doorway of the TARDIS, were rigid and the Doctor could see the hardness and betrayal in his eyes.

"I… I can't…" the Doctor gasped, trying to get around the dizzying feeling in his head. Even being this close to Jack felt off, his timeline was too… wrong. He knew what it was, even though he didn't want to think about what had happened. What Bad Wolf had done through Rose, and how much Rose would hurt if she knew. At least he never had to worry about her finding out now.

"What, can't bear to face me after leaving me on satellite five? My vortex manipulator fritzed when I tried to get back to 21st century Earth, missed the mark by a hundred-or-so years, 1892 instead," he paused, looking at the Doctor, searching, but it was all that the Doctor could do to stay upright. He could see Kousa examining Jack, feel the questioning of her thoughts just barely, but he was lost again to another wave of _wrongness_ as Jack stepped towards him. "I'm waiting for either the question or an answer Doc."

"You're… wrong Jack," was all he could get out. The puzzlement would have been amusing on Jack's face, except that he could barely even focus on anything, much less Jack's expression.

"Nope. I'm pretty sure I know I was left there. Pretty sure I'm here now. Where's Rosie, I didn't think she'd leave me. Is she sleeping?" the Doctor couldn't help the small gasp of pain, unable to keep his emotions under their usual control with Jack so near. He was hoping Jack didn't notice- he thought he was starting to acclimate, his time-senses weren't screaming at him to run away in terror anymore, and he didn't think he could explain right now. Jack's face darkened. Oh. He had noticed. Rassilon.

"Where. Is. She." Jack's voice was furious, but low, shaking, and the Doctor took a deep breath, unable to meet the pain in his old friend's eyes, an echo of his own. How could he say it, how could he ever tell-

That was when Jack's fist met his jaw. The Doctor slumped, his head spinning again- and he'd just gotten it on straight again too- but before he hit the ground Jack had him by the lapels of his suit, shaking him like a doll.

"I saw the names Doctor! The list of the dead, Canary Wharf, Torchwood London! She was on there, but she was supposed to be with you, I thought you'd taken her away, kept her safe, but she's DEAD. YOU KILLED HER," Jack's voice had risen to a shout, panic mingled with tears, and the Doctor felt his own hearts break anew.

"No. Rose is alive." The Doctor said hoarsely, and Jack's cries abruptly broke off. There was a moment of complete silence. No one even dared to breathe.

"Then where is she? 'Cause I know she's not with you. Leave her somewhere, like you did to me? Or did she finally get tired of your cold, distant act and find someone else-"

"LISTEN," he roared, slipping into the Oncoming Storm expression that he'd worn far too often lately, still stinging from Jack's comment, hurt and rage breaking through his stony self control. He would never leave Rose. And she had promised to stay with him forever. Even if it had been short. "Rose is _not_ dead, I did _not_ leave her, and she did _not_ leave me. Or, not by choice anyway. She's in a parallel world. With her Mum and Mickey. The Cybermen and Daleks… we tore open a hold in reality, to the void, the place between space and time- into hell. They had void stuff on them, and it pulled them in. But we… we had the void stuff on us too, from traveling to the parallel world. There were these levers… the one it- she- the lever slipped, and Rose tried to fix it but she fell. She was so close to the void." He broke off with a shudder, ignoring Jack's pale, horrified expression. "Parallel Pete caught her, jumped back to his world, and she was gone." The Doctor stopped, breathing heavily, unable to meet Jack's eyes. The pain of his memories was all consuming, so much that he barely flinched when Jack squeezed his shoulder in sympathy.

"Can't you just… take the TARDIS to go get her?" Jack said lamely, voice soft, thought they both knew it wasn't that simple. If it were, she'd be here.

"It's sealed. The cracks between our worlds, that is. If I tried to go to her, it would cause both universes to collapse. She's gone, but she's safe. Alive, and she has her family. She can live a normal, fantastic, human life…" _without me_ he added in his head as he trailed off.

"You know she'd never have asked for that, Doc."

"I know. I got to say good-bye, at least, a hologram between worlds." He gave a hollow laugh before continuing. "Not enough- it'll never be enough, but it's something I suppose." The Doctor was suddenly, painfully, aware of Jack's presence beside him, and he pulled away from the hand still on his shoulder, stomach churning unpleasantly at Jack's hurt expression. He rushed to explain before another headache hit him. "Look, Jack, what happened to you… I can sense it. Time stops flowing around you, you're an impossible fixed point. I'm so, so sorry. It's my nature though, being around you… it's taking every ounce of my control not to give in to my instincts and run screaming the other direction." Jack looked at him, a mingled expression of distress and hope.

"Doc, I don't die. I'm not sure how much you know about what happened…"

"Not much. I'm sorry I left you, but Rose had… she was in bad shape and I was regenerating and you just… I thought you were dead and then it was too late to go back and-"

"It's okay, Doc. I've had almost a century to think it over. I just… wish I knew how. I come back, no matter how I die, and it's happened a lot. First time, Ellis Island brawl, shot to the heart. Woke up, thinking oh that's strange, and go on my merry way. But it keeps happening. Fell off a cliff, trampled by horses, World War I, World War II, poison, strangulation, a stray javelin," he gave a wry grin at the Doctor's sympathetic grimace. "Do you think, is there anyway you can fix it?" His hopeful expression fell as the Doctor shook his head.

"No. R-she did this to you. She used powers beyond anything in the universe." Jack was studying him intently, and the Doctor shifted a bit, anxious under the scrutiny.

"It was Rose, I don't know how, or what she did, but I just… I felt it. I felt her. Doctor, what the hell did our Rosie do?" his voice was small, sad, and full of a longing the Doctor knew too well. The Doctor's headache was improving. He could now meet Jack's blue eyes- far too old and pained for his forever-young face- without gagging in the process.

"She opened up the heart of the TARDIS-"

"That thing that turned Blon the Slitheen into an egg?"

"Yes, but that's just 'cause the TARDIS liked Blon better as an egg." He said with a snort, relieved to see a slight smile stretch across Jack's face. "Rose… she took the whole of the Time Vortex _inside_ of her. All that power… should have driven her mad, but she's Rose and she's amazing and so she used it to bring down all the Daleks- turned them to dust- and bring you back. Forever apparently. She didn't know what she was doing. She… Rose was Bad Wolf. She spread the words across the universe, clues in space time. But the human mind can't hold that power- nothing can. It was burning her, so I took it. That's how I regenerated. Speaking of which, how'd you know it was me?" the Doctor asked suddenly, suspicious. Jack hadn't even blinked at his new face aside from calling him a pretty boy- a label he resented. He knew he'd never explained regeneration. Jack replied with an easy grin, even if it looked a little forced and shadowed.

"Well there's the blue police box parked in the middle of Cardiff for one. And also… I'm head of Torchwood Cardiff, and Torchwood has quite the file on you, Doctor. You're in the history books, well the secret, government alien ones anyway, as pinstripes and big hair, and I did my homework. Figured… hoped really that you'd come back around someday."

"You work for Torchwood," the Doctor said, voice flat, latching onto the only fact his brain could process, wincing at the return of his headache. He inched backwards away from Jack, towards the jumpseat, and sighed in relief as the ache faded a bit. Jack looked on forlornly from across the console.

"A different branch. We're a little more… unorthodox than London's old office. But we're also not made up of arrogant, kleptomaniac control freaks either. Am I really bothering you that much?" he said, concern in his voice as the Doctor winced again. He was so unlike the happy-go-lucky conman he'd once been. A century of not-dying in the wrong time period could really make someone grow up, he reflected, fighting off another wave of nausea. Damn, he'd thought that was done at least.

"Yes. I can't help it Jack. I thought it was improving, but there's nothing I can- huh!" he cut himself off as the sense of wrongness faded abruptly, almost like it was being shielded. He could still feel it, but it wasn't hurting or driving him mad. The doctor gaped, confused, before guiltily remembering the third party present on the TARDIS. He turned to Kousa in shock. "You… I thought I told you to stay out of my head!" Kousa gave a wolfen grin, tongue lolling and brown eyes flashing at his indignation.

"_You're welcome. Honestly, you can be so rude."_ Kousa seemed to miss his flinch at her words, or if she saw she didn't notice. The things she said sometimes… _"And to you, Captain Jack, hello." _The Doctor started, and then narrowed his eyes at Kousa, while she had her back turned. Had she just said… she must have picked up the name from his mind. That was it. Meanwhile, Jack was gaping in shock at the large black wolf standing before him, tail waving softly back and forth.

"Did you just talk to me? In my head?" he asked, and the Doctor allowed himself a small grin at the scene. He even let out a small chuckle.

"Jack this is-"

"_Kousa, I can introduce myself thanks," _Kousa said haughtily. Jack's expression suddenly turned to what the Doctor privately considered his there's-a-living-organism-I-could-potentially-shag face. He restrained a groan and hoped Kousa could handle this on her own. Then again, maybe not. He didn't know her well enough to predict how she'd 'handle' this…

"Hello Kousa. I like to meet a lady- er she-wolf with some fire. Are you that spicy all the time? 'Cause I'd like a taste of that-"

"Jack!" the Doctor warned, clearing his throat loudly. Jack had the decency to look guilty, but he still flashed a wink at Kousa to which she responded with a roll of her eyes. The Doctor could feel her amusement in his mind, and he cursed Jack. He did not need to deal with playing chaperone.

"_Doctor, what is he doing here? I mean, it's great to meet pretty boy here- the other one that is- but didn't you say we were just gonna refuel the TARDIS real quick?"_ Kousa turned away from Jack to look at him, and the Doctor felt an odd thrum of smugness at the shift in her attention.They both ignored Jack's indignant cry at the title Kousa had given him, thought the Doctor felt his lips pulling into a wry grin at the irony. Karma.

"I was just saying hello- oh" Jack started loudly, but cut off as Kousa turned to him again and he caught sight of her face completely for the first time. "Doctor… her eyes… it can't be…" Jack trailed off. The blood had drained from his face, and the Doctor felt a pang of sympathy for the haunted ex-time agent. He knew how Jack felt. Even after the last almost-week with Kousa, when the light caught her eyes a certain way, and she looked at him with a certain expression he almost got the sense… They were so familiar it hurt.

"I saw, Jack, I know. Just leave it for now. I'll explain everything later, but she's not… at least, I don't think…" the Doctor trailed off, his mind too uncertain, false hopes and painful truths warring within.

"_I'm still here," _Kousa interjected, _"What's wrong?" with me_, the unspoken words lingered, half-spoken through her telepathic link, only a whisper but enough to make the Doctor sigh as he felt her uncertainty and guilty. He hadn't meant it like _that_. Rude and not ginger. Kousa's expression was still uneasy, he should've known she would recognize the undertones of the conversation, she was too perceptive.

"Nothing, why don't you go get something to eat before we leave the TARDIS? She _has _been lowering the food to your height, right?"

"_Yes, but-"_

"I'd assume so since you haven't complained of hunger yet. Although, you might simply be extremely stoic and polite," he broke off his rapid-fire speech a moment to give her a quick, sweeping look up and down, "weeellll maybe not that last one. But you should probably go eat anyway. If you're famished and exhausted, that wouldn't work too well. You'll need the energy if we have to save the universe, or at least the Earth. They always seem to have some alien invasion going on. Alright Kousa, off you go, to the kitchens with you. I'm just going to catch up with an old friend here." He shuffled the dazed looking Kousa out the door and asked the TARDIS to lock it securely behind her. The TARDIS grumbled a bit about that one before finally agreeing, and the Doctor was surprised to see how much affection she held for Kousa. Nevertheless, she could _not_ hear this conversation. He ignored Kousa's indignant mental shouts from behind the door and firmly blocked her from his mind; complete with a sharp mental request for her to leave them alone. She finally quieted her shouts, though the sulky aura flared in his mind for a moment before fading back to just a presence. The Doctor sighed in relief, though he was slightly worried about the increasing mental connection with Kousa. Then he turned back to Jack, banishing the thought from his mind as his earlier weariness returned. At least the sense of wrongness was blocked- dulled really- by Kousa. He still wasn't certain how she managed that, just another mystery to solve. Running a hand down his face, the Doctor looked up at Jack's curious, worried, and bemused expression. Where to start…

"So I found Kousa in a forest…"

-Line Break-

Kousa blinked at the door to the console room indignantly. The one that had just- quite literally- been slammed in her face. Then, the Doctor had essentially told her to sod off with his mind, and blocked her out completely. She _knew_ they were talking about her and that whatever was going on had something to do with her past, the devilishly handsome and strikingly familiar Captain Jack Harkness, and the strange remark just before she'd left. Between all of this, Kousa deserved to know. But of course, the Doctor couldn't allow that. Control freak, Kousa grumbled as she paced outside the door. He'd done a pretty good job of keeping her from eavesdropping- she assumed the TARDIS had made the door soundproof when he told her to shut it. Kousa distinctly remembered the feel of the ship grumbling about something in her mind. Maybe if she really tried…

Kousa stilled and honed her focus in through the TARDIS' door, straining for the heightened sense of hearing she vaguely knew she'd developed. A buzzing hum touched the back of her mind, soothing her even as she panicked at the sudden proximity of the singing presence, before she could suddenly hear the Doctor and Jack's voices as clearly as if they were beside her. She quickly pushed her fear away and ignored the musical presence, nudging it into a deep corner of her mind for later consideration and fought to restrain herself from cracking an eye to check that she was indeed alone. Though whether she would be searching for the mysterious presence or the two men she was listening in on Kousa wasn't certain.

"Are the eyes the only thing that they share? Because that isn't right Doctor. Is there any chance… that it is her? I've seen a lot of crazy stuff throughout my life and that wouldn't surprise me in the slightest." Jack's voice was raised, the volume betraying his unease even if his tone was smooth. There was silence for a moment, and then the Doctor's sigh.

"Sometimes there's a flash of something familiar, Kousa will say something, do something that's such an uncanny resemblance… but it can't be. Kousa has been here for months with no memories, and I'm still working on figuring out who- or what- she is. Rose is most certainly gone, Jack. I sealed up the gaps in the universes myself. After my last companion, Martha, left, I spent almost three months floating in the Vortex looking for ways through. There's no way across, I'd have found it by now."

"Well we all know you aren't perfect Doctor, maybe you just missed something." Jack's playful voice had that same note of anxiety it did when he saw her eyes, burying it beneath what was surely a smile and laugh. Kousa still couldn't figure out where she fit into any of this. Rose, the mysterious person- presumably female- that the Doctor had barely mentioned before- only slipped out as though her very name pained him. Perhaps she was his mate, it would certainly explain the depths of his loss. And perhaps this Captain Jack was her brother, he obviously knew and cared for "Rose." Maybe this was just a social visit after all, with some detective work on her history thrown in.

"If the cracks were open we'd have bigger problems, Jack. And besides, I've done a DNA scan, she's not human, only partly, and mixed with a bunch of other… unidentifiable wibbly wobbly stuff. I'm not even certain what. But I know Kousa isn't Rose." Kousa jerked in surprise, fighting to keep her focus on the conversation, lest her super-hearing vanish as suddenly as it manifested. Well, so much for the friendly-visit theory. This half-knowledge was frustrating, Kousa couldn't understand why Jack seemed to think she was Rose- who was, as far as she could piece together, human, and what any of this had to do with her. She did note the Doctor's delicate yet blatant ignorance of the fact that she had apparently been born human.

"Did you compare Kousa's human parts- hey I meant her DNA! Anyway, did you compare them to a sample of Rose's?" Jack's voice shook, and Kousa waited with bated breath for the response, unsure of why she was so desperate to know the answer. Maybe because she knew nothing about any of this. Or maybe it was because that strange presence in her mind had poked its way out of the dark of her mind and was trying to get her attention. She ignored it, and shoved it back out of her consciousness, doing so automatically before refocusing on the conversation.

"I couldn't. Don't look at me like that! I tried, but Rose's DNA samples are all gone. The TARDIS wiped them, I have no idea when. She must've been trying to help, done it after Rose… was gone. Make me feel a little bit better, or at least keep me from trying to create a clone," he gave a hollow laugh before continuing, "As if that could ever suffice. The TARDIS kept Rose's room at least. And I'm glad." His voice dropped back into a melancholy tone as he broke off, and Kousa thought back to the room she'd commandeered. Oh, no wonder he didn't want her there. Rose's room, his lost mate. When Jack spoke again, it was soft, sympathetic, and Kousa realized that despite his flirtations and bravado, Jack was kindhearted and cared about the Doctor; and apparently Rose as well.

"Then what is she? Any idea at all, because I can't see how staring into the face of a wolf with Rose's eyes every day doesn't drive you mad." Kousa flinched a bit at this, wondering how much she'd hurt the Doctor just by looking at him and asking herself if he might've been better off without her, a reminder of the woman he'd lost.

"Bad Wolf." Both parties were silent for a long time, and Kousa felt a shudder run through her at the words. She remembered them, from the Record room on Calliopicus; they were the only part of the swirling vortex of gold and pain that she could recall. The presence in her mind leapt up again, and she quashed it and firmly told it to shut up so she could listen. To her shock, 'it' listened- although there was a distinct poutiness that reminded her uneasily of the TARDIS when the Doctor told her to do something she didn't like. And now she was talking to herself or to something inside of her mind at least. Kousa shook her head, as if that could get rid of whatever 'it' was and decided to ponder the fact that she might be going mad later.

"But that's…"

"Yes, the same thing that made you immortal. It was Rose… or the other way around. I'm still not quite sure, the tenses and pronouns get a little confusing when you talk about transdimensional beings. But I think she created Kousa or altered her or something. They're tied together somehow, but I can't figure it out!" the Doctor said, voice raising slightly and accompanied by the slap of his trainers on the console grating. Kousa could picture him pacing, running a hand through his hair with the wide-eyed, frustrated look he got when he couldn't figure something out. She wasn't even really sure when she'd become that aware of his habits. She certainly agreed with him that her life was completely confusing and inexplicable.

"Why would Rose do that Doc? If she had that much power, to create an entire living being, see this far ahead… why didn't she just stop Canary Wharf from happening, or keep herself here?" Jack asked, voice soft and a little hurt. It might not be the level of devotion Kousa had seen in the Doctor's eyes on the rare occasions he mentioned Rose, or let her name slip out, but she could tell Jack cared for her too. Whoever she was, she must have been an amazing person. Kousa wished she could've met her.

"I don't know Jack. She wasn't fully in control of herself as Bad Wolf. Maybe she couldn't stop it, some things are fixed points in time- change them and the universe starts to fall apart. Besides, that power was too much- she shouldn't have been able to survive, much less control it to the extent that she did. And maybe… maybe she did see it and let herself fall into Pete's world. She's got her family there, and there isn't any of the danger that comes with traveling with me. Maybe she saw this future and decided she'd rather have it…"

Jack broke in fiercely, interrupting the Doctor's self-depreciating rambling, "Doctor, Rose is the most jeopardy-friendly person either of us has ever met. She'd find her own danger and adventure anywhere, even in a padded cell. And she lives for it. Whatever happened, I know she didn't want to leave you." There was a heavy pause before he continued. "And are you certain that there's _no_ way _possible at all_ that Kousa's really Rose? 'Cause she's done the impossible over and over and she's as tenacious as a Barcelonian bulldog." Kousa wrinkled her nose at the metaphor, trying to place the term Barcelona- she'd never heard it, but had the strangest sense of Deja-vu, and the faintest of memories of a strange dog. He didn't have a nose, which she found incredibly abnormal, how could one function without a nose? Kousa jumped to her feet in surprise, eyes still closed, clinging to the memory- to something, however small, faint, and insignificant, from her past, but the Doctor's voice rose again, only a whisper, and hoarse, hesitant.

"I can't let myself have any false hope, Jack. If I let myself believe that, only to lose her again when I'm wrong, I don't know if I could survive." The room went silent, and Kousa stayed a moment longer, hoping to hear more. However, when the two began talking again, it was about what Jack had been doing on Earth. The ex-Time Agent regaled the Doctor with stories, several of which Kousa was certain had to be exaggerated- honestly, an alien race of fairies that controlled the very air and choked people to death with flowers? By now, she really _was_ hungry, and decided to take the Doctor's advice and get something to eat.

As she stretched after sitting curled next to the door for the entire conversation, Kousa listened one last time to the casual, uninteresting conversation inside the console room before letting the voices fade out of her range of hearing. How she was able to do that, she wasn't sure, it was just sort of… instinctual. And when the presence that had apparently taken up residence in her mind gave her a nudge, asking her to acknowledge it, Kousa felt the panic and desperation threaten to overwhelm her.

This was too much, between the connection of her to the Doctor's dead (well, trapped but as-good-as) mate, and the strange being in her mind. Even if it didn't seem to be doing her any harm, Kousa couldn't handle so much at once. _Leave me alone_, Kousa snapped at it in her mind, careful to shield her thoughts inside the bubble of her mind like the Doctor had told her. She didn't want him picking up on her thoughts and thinking she was losing her mind, talking to… what, herself? Something inside of her head? Either way, she wanted to appear sane (whether she was or not) lest he decide to get rid of her. Kousa figured she was probably already at risk of being tossed out due to the painful reminder of Rose that he must see when he looked at her. She couldn't help the guilt she felt at that. The presence retreated from her mind, falling silent, and though Kousa couldn't feel it anymore, she was certain it was still there. Uneasy and overwhelmed, Kousa walked down the halls of the TARDIS, following the path to the kitchen, and trying to piece together the mystery of herself, Bad Wolf, and Rose Tyler.

**AN- Whew, that chapter was hard. This was one of the most…actually, it was THE most difficult chapter to write so far. There was a lot of important information, clues to all parties involved, and hints. If something makes absolutely no sense, please let me know and I will clarify. This chapter confused me just to write, so I'm a little anxious about how well you guys are going to receive it. It was very action-lite I know, but that's coming next chapter! This was probably slightly boring, but definitely necessary as it sets up a lot of the background for later chapters. Oh, and I fought quite a bit with myself over which point of view the discussion was going to take place. I didn't feel like Jack had enough involvement in the story yet, we already know (some of) the Doctor's views on the 'Kousa Problem,' and so that left Kousa's pov. Please please please please leave feedback on this chapter! Even if you review no other chapter in the story, give me your crazy theories, suggestions, or even just tell me it was nonsense and you didn't like it. Because this chapter is important and I want to make sure it makes sense. Thanks for being patient with my nutty update schedule, hopefully the next one will be in a week or two… it's going to be a long, actiony chapter. See you all next time!**

**P.S. I'm interested in finding a beta… maybe. I don't have time to self-edit, and I did a quick skim of this one before posting it. It had a painful number of errors. If anyone is interested/has suggestions for finding a beta, um let me know. I don't have any clue how the beta-ing thing works.**


End file.
